How to Pick Up Men When You’re Out with Your Girlfriends

 

So many women are going out looking for a man the wrong way. They don’t sit in the right spots at the bar. They are on their phones all night. And they are out with friends who are salty, bitter, and aren’t being the wing woman they should be.

In this episode of Game of Love, Jessica shares the best ways to pick up men when you’re out with your girlfriends and why hotel bars are the best place to pick up men.

Follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for more tips and tricks on picking up men when you’re out with your girlfriends.

The 3Fs: What He Needs and How to Keep Him

 

The 3F’s will help your man flourish and thrive. He will value you and your relationship and be the partner you deserve.

In this episode, Jessica shares the 3F’s that every man needs and how fulfilling these needs can make your relationship the best its ever been.

Follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love

Read This: A Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: 8 Empowering Tips to Have Amazing Sex Every Time

When it Comes to Love, It’s Cool to Care

Why has it become cool not to care?

I’ve been paying attention. Something is going on in the dating world, and I don’t like it! It has become cool not to care.

We all want to avoid pain, especially in our dating and love lives. We are doing whatever we can to prevent heartbreak.

People are choosing to not care for others to protect themselves. But the moment you start caring, you will find more profound love and connection—let me show you how!

Stop letting fear win!

Making dating decisions based on fear is not working. I’m making you a firm promise: You can have feelings/fall in love and not fall apart if things don’t work out. You will be fine!

Heartbreak has destroyed you in the past. But it’s ‘destroyed’ you because you don’t view yourself as a whole outside of a relationship.

A lot of people equate being single with inadequacy. When we suffer a breakup, not only does it hurt to lose that person, it also diminishes our self-worth.

Not caring is what is keeping us from giving love another chance! Caring about the outcome, and caring about the other person, can be so very beautiful. Let’s try it out. Together.

These myths are closing us off from love

These are the myths that make us not care and make us terrible dates and lonely humans.

Myth #1: I should do everything I can to keep myself from looking like a fool.

When we were kids, and we had a crush on someone, it was embarrassing when people found out. As we got older, we held onto that type of embarrassment. In a lot of ways, we still act like the little kid that had their crush exposed. So we do everything we can to hide our true feelings in fear of people finding out.

Myth #2: I must keep my heart safe and unbroken.

We assume that by not letting anybody in, we can avoid pain and suffering. We keep our feelings hidden to protect our hearts. Unavailable people have boundaries and walls up. You can’t always see it, but you can feel it.

Myth #3: If I ignore the feelings, they’ll go away.

We hope that if we deny our feelings, we won’t have them. Denying your feelings for someone also means rejecting the potential for love and connection.

These myths numb our feelings of love. They prevent us from positive emotions in other areas of our lives.

If you’re disengaged and not allowing yourself to feel, your performance at work will suffer. Your relationships with your friends will suffer. Your dates will be surface level and will be nothing more than disposable.

Care more. Love more. Be fully content.

What would the world be like if it was the opposite? What if it was COOL to CARE? What if you let go of the myths and the lies that have been keeping you from love.

Dating would be more fulfilling, more fun, and right now, dating is tumultuous. And if you made it cool to care, dating would be a pleasant experience.

Find more respectful, thoughtful and intimate relationships. Take that risk. Follow your heart.

Listen to the Game of Love podcast to dive deeper and harness the power of caring. Create a world where it’s not safe to love; it’s safe to care, and to get all the love you deserve!

XOXO

Jessica

Stop Dating and Start Courting

 

Courting? Isn’t that a little old-fashioned?

The answer is yes, and courting brings a level of seriousness to the relationship and is, what we would today call, “the long game.”

If we want to find love, we have to get to know someone. There needs to be a level of comfort between two people, and that takes time.

In this episode, Jessica shares why courting needs to come back to the dating world and how you can use it to have that fun, fulfilling relationship you have always wanted.

Follow Jessica on Instagram for all things dating, mating, and love

@jessicasmith.love

How to Harness the Power of Caring

 

In our dating world, it has become cool to not have feelings or to care. In our society, it is about avoiding pain, especially with dating. And at all costs, we are doing whatever we can to avoid heartbreak because we are wired to be susceptible to it.

In this episode, Jessica shares how you can harness the power of caring to find deeper love and connection.

Follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for all things dating, mating and love.

Links

Men Chase, Women Choose by Dawn Masler

Real Truths About Men

Let’s Talk Real Truths about Men!

I sat down with an incredible human to discuss some real truths about men. Truths about what men are yearning for in relationships, in connecting with other men and what it means to be a man today. Yes ladies and gentlemen, finally the things we all want and need to know! I talked with the remarkable, inspirational (I can go on and on) Geoff Laughton who—for 19 years—has been a leader in mental health, healthy relationships and spearheading a much-needed movement: The evolving man. Men sing his praises, women are constantly telling him “Thank you!” and it’s because he is providing a place where men can go to learn about being and harnessing the man they want to be.

So, what is going on with men today? 

Here’s what is so interesting about what Geoff has taught me: today we live in a world where the focus is so often on women loving themselves and connecting with other women to heal. Yet it’s much rarer to hear about men loving themselves. Men are confused. Men are scared. Men desire to tap into their truest selves and understand how the women in their life experience them. Incredible stuff, right?

I have to share this. Now. As the years have gone on what Geoff has witnessed this first hand…

“Men are changing from asking ‘how am I happier in my career and relationship?’ to men getting their lives more aligned with their spirit, with their longing…and they are becoming free.”

Men are so often the ones called upon to be strong, to be masculine and to also be in tune with their emotions and true selves. How can they do it all? And who can they lean on to be in tune with their most fulfilled—as a man? I asked Geoff what the biggest transformation he has seen in men over his almost two decades of coaching, writing and acting as a mentor to men. His answer:

“They are coming alive. The biggest transformation is helping men come back to life.”

Men know to focus on the following: Their jobs. Their money. The size of their you know what…but men are and desire to value and be so much more. What do men want? They want to be good husbands, boyfriends, partners, friends, fathers. No matter their age, men are questioning EVERYTHING, and-guess what—nothing is quite so powerful as sitting in a room full of guys who are all interested in being the best man they can be.

What’s the biggest difference between a man who operates in the status quo and one who can connect with other men in authentic ways? 

It’s the difference between not having others in your life who truly see you and then being thrust into a place men can get real, and can get immediate feedback from all the other men in the room. Geoff recognized that when men get together, they are forced to be wholly real. It’s hard to BS a room of dudes who see you fully and are as hungry to learn, grow and evolve.

Geoff does his thing in a way that isn’t shaming or judgemental but is loving and compassionate. He also loves how powerful the sense of community is amongst the men in his groups. All the men he knows (himself included) often act as the lone wolf in their world. They keep things to themselves and are set on figuring out their problems. 

Keeping things in their mind and ego is preventing men from being the best version of themselves they can be.

This change: men, it’s inconvenient. But wow, is it so worth it. You’ve been fed a bunch of lies (okay boys and girls, we ALL have). Undoing that old conditioning and set of stereotypes about how men should be…that’s the biggest transformation. Men are learning how to fall in love with themselves and be far less dependent on how they get validated in the external world. Men are also (this is where the ladies say, hallelujah!) relying less on their woman to be their BFF, therapist, lover, business confidante, etc. 

Men and women shouldn’t have to be all things to each other and in fact as Geoff reminds me time and again, they can not! We are not wired to think like the opposite sex and the moment we can accept that everything gets so much easier. like women know to rely on other women, men are joining the charge of connecting and being truthful with each other.

Men-you are hard-wired to ‘perform.’ Like how you’ve been taught it’s your job to kill the bear, hunt and provide! So what does it mean when you can’t wait to get home and watch The Bachelorette with your girlfriend? It means you’re normal. It means you are a creature who has both a masculine and feminine side that is going to ebb and flow. It means you are a human.

“Men are hopeless romantics pretending to be powerful people and women are powerful people pretending to be hopeless romantics.”

For men, it’s much harder to get to that place of showing vulnerabilities. There are a lot of stereotypes out there now that tell men they don’t have feelings, that they shouldn’t have insecurities, and that men don’t get broken-hearted. There is SO much healing that needs to happen.

Men are deep feeling creatures but unfortunately, culture and society have told men they are ‘machines.’ Jessica encourages female listeners to get interested in the men you’re dating, the men you’re passing on the street, your male friends, brothers, your father. Geoff agrees! He implores us all to “learn the person, not the gender.”

What the biggest challenges single men are facing in the dating world today.?

1. Not meeting women in person. 

Oh yes. I know this one too well. We’re experiencing a phenomenon of ‘text-ashionships’ where potential couples are trying to get to know each other over messages. How do you get to know someone when the introduction and conversations happen over text or messages through an app? Answer: you don’t.

2. How to know if the woman you’re dating is “the one?” 

Geoff shares some awesome advice on this one—we are so used to rushing and wanting to know right away if they are your forever person. Instead, the only thing you should focus on during that first date is if you want to go on another one! People are putting on their best face during those first few dates (meaning, as Geoff said, they’re full of it!). I love this notion because it means that it’s going to take time so you don’t have to know much of anything right away.

3. How to tell if it’s an attraction (or lust) vs. true compatibility? 

One word of advice from Geoff sums this one up: SLOW. If you’re in a hurry it means you are looking for an external plug to make you feel better about yourself. And if that’s what your relationship is based on…you’re screwed! Now flip that notion: If you (men or women) are content and satisfied with yourself then there is no urgency and you can get to know another and relax and enjoy the ‘getting to know you’ moments.

Geoff is creating environments of openness and facilitating the conversations men and women need. He is advocating for more feeling and helping us all find more love. WE NEED MORE LOVE. Period.

Men and women—I can’t wait for you to tune in to our conversation and hear more of Geoff’s heart and the remarkable insights he has. We had some fun talking about what courting is (and do people even know what that means!?), discussed the relationship between a man’s mothering and his current view on manhood, and the encouragement he gets meeting men in their 20’s and 30’s who are completely ready to figure out what the missing pieces are in why they don’t feel fulfilled. Listen to this week’s Game of Love Podcast and be sure to subscribe to level up in the world of dating and love!

If you want to learn more about what Geoff and his team are doing to shake up how men are becoming honest with themselves check out his work, learn about his groups (which you can attend in person in Denver and Boulder, or virtually if you are anywhere else), send him an email! You can find Geoff at yourrelationshiparchitect.com, theevolvingman.com and at [email protected].

 

Until next time, get out there and love each other.

 

XOXO Jessica

Here’s How You Can Transform Your Dating Life

 

From celebrities to athletes to the most successful people in the world, we all have insecurities about ourselves.

These insecurities can hold us back from being our authentic selves, from stepping into our power and keep us from connecting with others when we’re out dating.

In this episode, Jessica shares some of the ways you can turn your insecurities into assets to enjoy dating and richer connections.

For all things dating, mating, and love follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love

 

Links

Men Chase, Women Choose by Dawn Masler