The One Thing You Can Do to Be More Attractive

 

Ever wonder why someone people walk into a room, and suddenly they are so attractive to you?

Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with their physical appearance.

In this episode, I dive into some studies, research, and tips for you to do the one thing that will make you more attractive in the dating world.

Feeling stuck in your dating life? Book your 30-minute session with me at jessicasmith.love/dating911 today and let’s help you find the love you are looking for.

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How to Survive Cuffing Season

When it comes to love and dating, the seasons matter! That’s why it’s the perfect time to talk about what’s happening right now…cuffing season!

The ways we navigate connecting, hooking up and finding love change throughout the year just like our wardrobes. And when it comes to THIS time of year (fall/end of summer) things change a lot

What is cuffing season? 

It’s a force to be reckoned with. It’s something to keep your eye on if you are single or dating. 

It’s pressure, stress but also a phenomenon you can totally prep for. You just need a little help from me!

The leaves are falling, is your love life?

Here we are in September and early October where there is a major shift in how we view the dating world. The leaves start to change, we start dreaming about holiday plans, we lineup on Sunday for football…all fun things. 

But if we are single or dating we feel a STRONG urge to couple up.

Cuffing season is what happens when we start to think about the chilly days and romanticized moments ahead, which then makes us fantasize about how great it would be to be with someone. 

I’m going to help you prepare for and navigate cuffing season so you can glide through it confidently and stay optimistic no matter what your relationship status!

When cuffing season hits we panic.

The panic comes from totally natural and normal human responses.

First, our hormones push us to partner up for the winter. We know what’s ahead – fewer nights out due to cold weather, yummy warm meals perfect for sharing and more nights at home watching movies and lazing by the fireplace. Sounds romantic, right? 

Second, our instinct to be in a relationship kicks in big time. We want to have someone to bring to holiday parties, someone to be safe and warm with, and someone to get holiday gifts for. The holiday pressure from your family also plays a big role in your stress levels. 

Stay tuned for my Thanksgiving week post about surviving family pressure during the holidays. That’s a whole other topic!

But here is the thing – we need to look out for how we respond to this season – our hormones and instincts can push us to act in ways we wouldn’t usually. We might try TOO hard to find a partner and we might try to make a relationship out of something that isn’t right. Basically, cuffing season makes us a little crazy!

I guess you’ll do…?

Be careful about getting into a relationship just for the sake of getting into a relationship.

I’m not saying that you’re more desperate during cuffing season, but the stress of it all can make us forget about what it is we REALLY want in a partner. Even I feel the heat around this time of year! Nobody is immune. 

My advice: Keep it 100! Today is THE PERFECT DAY to either create or revisit your love list. If you have my 7 secrets to manifest love, you’ve heard my advice to make a list of exactly what it is you want in a partner. Not just general things like—active, has a good job, likes to travel—but get to the details! Is he or she optimistic? Do they want kids? How will you feel when you’re around them? 

THESE are the things you need to put out to the universe AND remember when you are tempted to partner up with someone. If they don’t meet your list criteria…it’s a no! Do NOT try to date someone just because it’s cuffing season. You are perfect and amazing and will make it through single if that’s how things play out. Trust me.

Under pressure.

Then there is the time pressure. During cuffing season, we feel like the clock is ticking. It seems like ALL our friends are in relationships. New years is coming,  holiday parties are getting planned and OMG what if we go into the holidays single. I say—f that! This season is just another beautiful time to get to know and LOVE YOUR SELF.  

Summer lovin’. Did it happen too fast?

Let’s talk about your summer boo. Some of you have met somebody this summer and things have been fun, summer casual, but now you’re all of a sudden, out of the blue thinking…are we exclusive? 

Cuffing season intensifies the need to be with someone. There’s a push to make it official… sometimes out of the blue! I caution you to really think if you are wanting the relationship for the sake of cuffing up, or because this person really is a great match. Also, be careful not to freak out the person you’re dating with an unexpected ‘what are we’ talk. If you’ve been casually dating for a month and then invite them to Christmas with your entire extended family…you’re going to scare them off! Remember that you might be having feelings that are not 

Build your toolbox for self-love and sanity

Another piece of advice is to create a cuffing season toolbox. Create a list of things to do and people to spend time with when it’s cold and cuddly and you feel alone during this season. 

Hang out with your positive single friends! Plan a girls-only/all bro holiday brunch or football party. Plan a holiday party with your favorite people and make sure its NOT ALL COUPLES. This is also a great time of the year to pick up a new hobby! 

Start taking those language lessons you’ve always wanted to do, take an improv class, go salsa dancing and do fun things that are just for you

You will think so much less about being single and just bask in the glow of having so much fun living YOUR badass life. 

Change the channel.

This next bit of advice is for my sappy holiday content fans—you know who you are. Be wary of the cheesy unrealistic romantic stuff! Turn off the Hallmark! Don’t watch Love Actually on loop. 

If you are going to go deep into the warm and fuzzy holiday movies do it with your favorite friends instead of alone only armed with a box of tissues and halo top ice cream. Holiday movies are fun, but treat them with care!  

I love to go the opposite route and make a holiday playlist that I can listen to anytime that cuffing season sadness sneaks in. Your playlist should be less ‘All I want for Christmas is you’ and more ‘I was born like this don’t even gotta try’ Lizzo kind of vibe! 

What this season is really about.

And finally, Get your gratitude on! Write down all the ways you are grateful for the friends, family, and life you have. Take the holiday season as a wonderful time to share with the people you love instead of thinking about what, or who, you don’t have. Your life is full of abundance so take notice!

You’ve got this!

To all my singles  – CUFFING SEASON IS COMING! But the good news – you got this. Be strong. be confident. Be thoughtful about what is happening and realize that thoughts you’re having are normal but you now know how to navigate the season with grace. 

When Your Friends Don’t Approve: Do You Dump ‘Em or Keep ‘Em?

 

We’ve all been there before with the person you’re dating.

Everything is going great in your eyes, but your friends might think otherwise.

They might think you could do better. They might think that the man or woman you’re dating is a waste of time.

So what do you when your friends don’t approve? Do you dump ’em or do you keep ’em?

In this episode, I’ll share with you the best ways to navigate this tricky situation based on some of my past experiences with friends and men I have dated.

My 7 Secrets to Manifesting Love will help you find the love you are looking for. Signup for my email newsletter at jessicasmith.love and get started on your love journey today.

For all things dating, mating, and love follow me on Instagram @jessicasmith.love

If you’re struggling to find your true path to love and dating has been wearing you down, let’s spend some time together. Book your session with me today at jessicasmith.love/dating-911

How to Survive Cuffing Season

 

Cuffing season starts on November 1 and continues through Valentine’s Day.

It’s that time of year where all you singles out there are suddenly looking to get into a relationship to survive the winter months. Cuffing season is often a trap and can lead us into relationships we never wanted to be in out of fear of ending up alone.

In this episode, I’ll share the best ways you can survive the upcoming cuffing season and find real love and connection.

Are you looking to spice up your love life?

Sign up today at jessicasmith.love and receive my powerful 7 Secrets to Manifesting Love to help you find the love you have always wanted.

Follow me on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for all things dating, mating, and love.

Thank You, Next: Finding Blessings in the Breakup

 

When relationships end, it’s normal to talk trash, rehash the shit that went down and harbor resentment toward your ex.

Men and women regularly talk about the negative aspects of past relationships. About how they were burned, lied to, and weren’t treated right.

But is that right? Is it healthy?

Is it serving you?

In this episode, I’ll show you how to use your past terrible relationships to feel empowered, secure, and ready for the next.

Why men Lose Interest After Sex

You have sex, and they stop calling.

Why is it that men lose interest after sex? It happens all the time. But what if I told you that it’s not you, it’s hormones! There are biological reasons that men lose interest and they are mostly based on hormonal responses. I’m here to help you understand what those are, plus how to keep them interested regardless of when you do the deed.

It’s human nature.

Men are wired to lose interest after sex.

Ladies: it’s not really their fault—men are biologically wired to develop attraction instantly through physical appearance. But for emotions to develop it takes far more time for men to become invested.

Our dating culture (and our world) is all about instant gratification. We hate to wait for anything! We want our meals now, we want our media now, and when we feel like having sex, we want that now too!

This culture of impatience can lead to doing it really soon after meeting someone, if not on date #1. The world of online apps also lends itself to a lot of innuendo and sexual flirtation (not to mention the sexting and pics) before you even meet!

Here’s the thing – Being DTF is totally fine. But if it’s a romantic partnership you seek usually one or two-night stand will not lead to true love. Having sex right away does not guarantee that things will immediately fizzle, but it definitely happens more often than not.

Hormones in play.

When it comes to men, hormones play a huge role in love dating and mating. There are three hormones men need to fall in love: Testosterone, dopamine, and vasopressin.

Here’s what each does for fellas:
Testosterone helps men to feel manly. It boosts their sex drive.
Dopamine contributes to that excited feeling that happens when we crave something. It’s the hormone that gets the reward center going. You know it by that high when you take a bit of the most decadent cake you’ve ever had, or that rush you get as you’re closing in on a first kiss.
Vasopressin helps men hold interest. According to the Harvard Neuroscience Institute, it’s the hormone “linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships.“

How hormones make him pull away.

Much of human behavior is influenced by hormones.

When a man is having sex his testosterone goes up. Immediately after orgasm, his T (testosterone) levels go back to normal. That increase really makes him feel like a manly! But once things go back to normal it’s not as exciting for his man brain. Oxytocin increases, which has the effect of lowering testosterone. And when a man’s testosterone levels decrease, he feels less like a man. He feels the need to pull away and may even lose interest for a while.

But that’s not to say his testosterone stays even for all that long. And if it’s the right point in a relationship, oxytocin can contribute to feelings of love through continued human contact.

When the chemistry is hot he’ll have more dopamine and he’ll want you like another piece of that chocolate cake. But after he eats that cake, he is satisfied and his brain tells him ‘hey, you’ve had your cake. You’re good! Move on.”

But if a man has an emotional interest as well, his dopamine drive will stay intact and he’ll seek more of the good stuff aka you.

Vasopressin helps him hold the interest of a woman and increases when he’s sexually excited but hella decreases after he orgasms

Here’s the thing: physical attraction is easy. But if there is no bonding the sexual chemistry will fizzle out.

So what…just don’t have sex?

Not completely. But, my advice? Wait.

Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin levels to increase. He is going to seek more situations that give him a dopamine rush. And he’ll feel wanted and manly #testosterone. When all those hormones are firing for long enough, they can cause a man to fall in love!

This is because a man has emotionally fallen for a woman.

If a guy is into someone emotionally and mentally and spiritually he will stick around
If he isn’t feeling a connection or feeling inadequate he will bounce

In her book ‘Men Chase, Women Choose’ Dawn Maslar explains that “Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin to increase and stay up long enough for the receptors to be built and then filled. Once this happens for a long enough span of time it can cause him to fall in love.”

I tried it out for myself.

I once dated a guy and we established early on that we weren’t going to have sex for a while. I proposed it, he agreed. We had a kissing only rule!

It was wild! We talked, went to concerts, got to know so much about each other, had crazy makeout sessions and wow our sexual chemistry was crazy! Putting off having sex gave us time to really get to know each other.

Here’s the thing. I kept his interest and the emotional bond came naturally. Then, one day I realized he was REALLY into me. He was texting me all the time and spending all his time off with me. I knew it was time. Here’s the best part…when we actually had sex, it was fantastic!

Get emotionally naked before you get really naked

Putting off having sex gave us time to connect and truly get to know each other. We learned about our favorite foods, our dreams, fears, passions, significant life events, heartbreaks and more.

I kept his interest by making him invest time while I invested too. We BOTH had to work. This wasn’t a one-sided endeavor. I also had to keep his interest. This meant texts back, flirting and showing affection. Remember that dopamine, testosterone, and vasopressin we talked about before? Those hormones were working in both of our favors while they built up and made him feel excited and curious about what we could be as a romantic couple.

Through all of our sex-free time together I made sure that he knew when the time was right it was totally going to be worth it.

Instead of putting out, put IN to the relationsihip.

Hopefully you now see why waiting to have sex majorly outweighs jumping into bed right away. Some final tips before I signoff:

°If a man thinks a woman is cool AF and wants to sleep with her that’s a magic recipe. The only way this happens is with time together.

°Keep him in pursuit mode. In the work that I do, I teach about the 5 Ps in a relationship and one of them is PURSUE – Biologically speaking men are hunters and they don’t respond well by being chased. They’re driven by testosterone and dopamine. Men NEED to pursue women.

°Keep him hungry! For life, love, sex. Men want to work and feel a sense of accomplishment. They work hard to get money, then value that money. They lift hard to see muscle and value those gains. They put time into you and—you guessed it—they value you. Keep them interested so they picture you in their goals and accomplishments and as a part of their lives.

If you like a guy and want him in your life…wait.