The Rising of the Fierce

Jessica Sitting in Chair

Eckhart Tolle walked onto the Denver stage and asked, “why did you choose to incarnate at this time?”

 

Instantly I knew my answer. I am strong and loving enough to be in this world and do my part to make it a better one.

 

My strength has been tested the last month with the unexpected passing of the best man I knew, my Dad. A month ago I woke up blissfully unaware that my life was about to turn upside down. While out on a morning run I received the news of his sudden death. 

 

He was my rock. He was easy going. He was wise. He was hilarious. He was virtuous. He was all the things every human strives to be. 

 

Amongst of the painful emotions that come with a loss of a loved one. A father’s death exposes deep seated fear that can hide within a woman leaving her feeling vulnerable and lost without the guidance and love of the most important man. 

 

This fear sat within my chest for the weeks following his passing waiting patiently for me to acknowledge its presence. Deep down I knew if any good were to come of this tragic loss I would have to be brave enough to come face to face with this unsurmountable feeling of grief that was so painful I was unsure if I could recover. As though confronting this pain was like falling into an abyss that I would surely slip away and cease to exist. 

 

One night alone on a mountain top where I was safely held by Spirit and my ancestors I stepped boldly into my fear. I opened the door to the suffering within me. Diving into the pain, surrendering to the grief, and allowing myself to feel all I feared. Never have I felt such agony, never have I wailed, never have I felt so close to death myself. 

 

My Earthly side didn’t know if I’d make it through the night and my Angelic side knew I needed it for my soulful evolution in order to fulfill my spiritual duties in this life. 

 

Leaving my sacred space on the mountainside the next morning, I was not the same woman. I was transformed into something more loving, compassionate, and strong. 

 

The fear had vanished being replaced by peacefulness and a newfound fierceness was born.

 

Whatever you’re facing, walk through your storm. Calm skies wait for you on the other side.

 

The One Powerful Secret you Must use in your Dating Life

Jessica Portrait

What are we doing wrong?

Dating can be hard, stressful…  and downright confusing. When we are dating it seems as though we’re constantly questioning ourselves and our next moves. Every text, every date, every conversation can feel like we’re strategizing in hopes that we’ll say the right thing, make sure they like us, that we keep the text conversation going, get the next date, and so on. 

Wouldn’t it be so much better if you could just be you, have fun, enjoy the process and not have to overthink everything? You could say what you feel, trust your every move, and feel comfortable letting things play out without the stress, gameplay, and unnecessary worry. Sounds amazing, right?

The good news is you can easily make this your new reality with one simple secret:

Follow and use your intuition. 

Using your intuition means you let the universe guide you so you don’t have to constantly be navigating every decision.You tap in and trust.

Using your intuition will have you feeling confident and relaxed on dates. It makes deciding what to text easier, assists you in choosing who to date and who to steer clear from—and you’ll just have more fun!. It will also keep you from making bad decisions, wasting your time, and choosing people that are not right for you.

How does one listen to their intuition?

Everyone is intuitive whether you know it or not. There are varying degrees of intuition – some people could feel a little inkling, while for others it’s very strong. Today you are going to learn how to grow your intuition, make it stronger and more powerful to help you have a better dating life. 

There are two major ways you can listen to and cultivate your intuition:

Your body is talking, are you paying attention?

The first way is through bodily sensations. Throughout the ages, society has used sayings describing our intuition as it relates to our body.  Sayings like trust your gut, butterflies in my stomach, follow your heart, I have a funny feeling about this, Something feels off, I can’t stomach it, my gut reaction, and so on.

If you listen to your body, it will give you clear guidance. Your body is either going to say yes or no, this is good or bad, do this or don’t do that. 

We’ve all been around people that make us feel a little uneasy. Maybe the hair is standing up on the back of our neck, your stomach tightens up a little bit, or something feels off even though you may not be able to rationally and verbally explain it.

There are also people who, when you’re around them, make you feel tingly, warm, excited. Their vibe just feels good to you. Your heart goes pitter-patter, you have butterflies in your stomach, and you have an overall sense of peace and tranquility. Think about a time you’ve had an immediate closeness and trust with someone who is a perfect stranger. Perhaps that person is today one of your closest friends. Your body knew first!

Always listen to your body’s messages. 

It is always right and it will always serve your highest good.

The second way you might experience your intuition is through your internal voice. It’s the quiet wise powerful voice that lovingly guides you throughout your life. It can come in the form of a whisper, or a booming warning. 

It’s not the same as your constant mental chatter that’s going on in your head. When your intuition speaks to you, It is both trusting and familiar. It can feel like it’s outside of you … yet at the same time, it is you. 

Your intuition can come up at random times. It can come up when you are specifically asking for help. 

For example, you’re driving somewhere and your intuition says turn right here—you don’t know why—but next thing you know you come across the perfect apartment complex that you’ve been searching for for months. 

Your friend calls you and invites you to go out—you’re tired, you don’t feel like going out—but there’s a voice in your head that says “I should go.” You get up, get dressed, go out and have one of the best nights of your life.  

Your intuition is always guiding you through your life. 

Your dating life is no exception.

Listening to your intuitive voice and feeling your bodily sensations will direct you where you need to go and be your internal dating coach. 

It’s simple: Stop. Listen.

If all you do is stop and listen, your dating life will be so much easier. You won’t have to fret over things, overanalyze and drive yourself crazy. 

Let’s say someone asks you out and your body clenches up … that’s a resounding no and your indicator to decline. Or, maybe you’ve been swiping for about 37 minutes and suddenly you stop on somebody’s picture and there’s just something about them that you’re drawn to even though they’re not your usual type.   

Perhaps you’re on a date with someone, have had a glass of wine and an appetizer—you’re feeling a little tipsy, having a good time and they say “Hey you do you want to have another drink?” 

The second they ask that question your intuition will give you the answer.  The answer might be a flutter of excitement in your chest and belly and that’s your sign to say yes. Or it could be a voice in your head that says “nope, dates over. It’s time to go home.” 

Here are a few tips to tap into your intuition. 

  • Get quiet! In order to hear your intuition, you must quiet all the mental chit chat. Taking deep breaths, do a mini-meditation, and ask the Universe for guidance.
  • To sharpen your intuition, use it all the time and everywhere. When you’re making daily decisions, let your intuition call the shots. Let your intuition tell you what route you’ll walk your dog, what shoes to wear, even what to have for breakfast. 
  • Take note of your bodily sensations with everyone you’re around. Do certain people make your body get tense? Do others make you feel calm and relaxed?
  • One of my favorite things to do on a date is quietly check in with myself and see how I’m feeling. I scan my body for any uneasiness, tightness, and all the good stuff too. If I pick up on some less than positive feelings I’ll go a step further and ask myself why am I feeling like this. Why is there tightness in my hips? Why am I picking at my nails? 
  • Know the difference between your day-to-day voice and your intuitive voice. Your day-to-day voice is fueled by your past traumas, societal conditioning, and personal beliefs. Whereas your intuition—which is free of all those things and comes from a higher state of consciousness— is free of all of that ‘stuff.’ 
  • Here’s how you differentiate between these two voices: Your day-to-day voice comes from the rational mind and from thought. It’s the I shoulds. It can feel bossy, controlling, and repetitive. Your intuitive voice is clairvoyant and unique. It feels healthy, supportive, and kind. It might be subtle, it might be loud, but it is always loving. 
  • Be conscious of these two different voices;both of them serve you in different situations, but trust that your intuition always has your back.

Practice listening and be rewarded!

I can’t stress how important listening to your intuition is not only for your dating life but for your entire life. Start practicing listening to it daily so you can easily implement it in your dating life. 

Let your intuition drive your love life and make the decisions for you, keeping you safe, at ease, and on track. This secret will change your life.

How to Survive the Holiday Season Single or Coupled Up

Thanksgiving is about celebrating, appreciating, giving thanks for everything we have in our life. But it comes with its challenges. 

Single or coupled up, you deserve to have the best holiday

I’m going to help you navigate the holiday season no matter your relationship status.

Being single can be tough. Heading home and fielding family questions can be tough. Bringing a new person home to your family can be tough…and awkward. I’ll address tips on how to successfully meet your person’s family later on. 

Read this to get your mind right, help you stay cool, calm collected and truly enjoy the holiday regardless of your relationship status. You are going to walk away today ready to take on the holiday and fill it with so much damn joy you won’t know what to do with it!

I’m also going to tell you why it’s actually pretty awesome to be single over the holidays. Yes, you read that right!

Single and ready to merry mingle!

A lot of us get scared going into the holiday season single because emotions come up, and maybe you’re disappointed to be single again this year. You are yearning to finally have your person with you over the holiday season. 

This very well could be your last holiday season alone. Let that soak in for a second!

There are a ton of benefits to being single over the holidays. Sometimes when we have a significant other, we make them the focus and give them all our attention, which can mean we are less engaging with our family and friends. 

This year, I highly encourage you to be present and spend good quality time with your friends and family by being very engaging compassionate and loving. 

How to have the best holiday yet!

No matter if you are really excited to see your family or really dreading it a great way to prepare for the holidays is to meditate and give yourself a pep talk before visiting your loved ones. 

I do a short 5 to 7 minute meditation and then I set my intention for dinner with my family. In some cases I tell myself, I’m going to be calm, I’m going to relax, and love my family exactly how they are. 

You might want to create a mantra for yourself. Something like: 

I am peaceful and at ease 

I am grateful for my loved ones

Or, my personal favorite – I will not punch my brother

Take the time, be present

It’s recently hit me that my parents won’t be around forever and we probably only have twenty plus thanksgivings together. And when I think about that, it’s not very much. Our time together, our Thanksgivings together, they are priceless. We need to make them count.

Maybe in past years you’ve gotten really annoyed with your prying great Aunt Lucy and have blown her off because you didn’t want to deal with her questioning you…but maybe this year you actually sit down with her and spend a few minutes chatting with her, listening to her and just being kind to her. 

Give Grandma a hug

This is the year where you walk into the kitchen and tell your mom how much you love her how appreciative you are of all the time and hard work she put into raising you right and tell her she’s an amazing cook. Take a minute to talk to Grandma about how she met Grandpa. 

This holiday season you are going to show up for your friends and family, giving them your attention, your energy, your love, your appreciation.

Party, eat, do what you want!

A couple added benefits to being single over the holidays: The night before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest going out nights of the year, so if you are single and ready to mingle you need to get out on that night!

Another bonus: on Thanksgiving, you can do what you want! You can see who you want, spend time with who you want, and eat as much pie as you want! When you do get coupled up, you might not have as much freedom. 

So for now, unbutton those pants and have that third slice of pie because there’s no worrying! You don’t have to impress anyone – you can just eat, drink and be merry! 

Warning: sentimental and sappy is everywhere

Be warned, some of us are really comfortable with our single selves. But then something happens – we see families around us, couples kissing, toasting to new engagements, families growing, the pitter-patter of footsteps, all the sentimental, heart-melting endearing moments. 

Suddenly, our once steadfast single attitude crumbles at the sight of our grandparents holding hands at the dinner table and out of nowhere we decide we need a significant other, a house, 4 children, a dog, and a minivan.

Just remember, over the holidays we get extra sentimental but a lot of these feelings are fleeting and you will be soon back into your normal day to day life free of the fantasy land sappy hallmark pressure.

“Have you met anyone?”

Let’s talk about the dreaded questioning of your single status. The ‘why haven’t you met anyone nice yet’ ‘when are you going to settle down and get married’ ‘why haven’t you given us grandbabies’ ‘what happened to that nice boy?’ These questions are inevitable, so be prepared to handle them. 

You know that your grandparents want to know when you’re going to meet a nice person. Remember, your family loves you. They are asking prying questions because they are really curious and want to understand what’s going on with you. 

Single = Awesome

Here’s the deal, Don’t let these questions bother you! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re not valuable. There was a time that singleness equated to unworthiness and people would act weird if someone was divorced or single at a certain age, but now that is outdated and completely untrue. Times have changed!

However, your great aunt lucy is probably still living with these archaic beliefs. So Just understand that Aunt Lucy is from a different generation, she loves you and just wants to see you with a good person. Make light of the situation and don’t let it diminish you! 

Be prepared for anything

So before walking into Thanksgiving dinner, think about how you are going to handle these questions so they don’t come out of left field and hit you in the gut. Think about the questions you could potentially be asked and how you can answer them in a loving and positive way. 

With planning and preparation, you can diffuse and resolve potentially tumultuous conversations.

Your new holiday boo

Maybe you’re dating someone and this is your first holiday together. Hooray! This can be a very exciting time full of all the feels. And you are hoping for the holiday of your dreams. You’re gathered around the table, everyone is happy and laughing like a Norman Rockwell painting. There’s excitement around introducing your new person to your family and friends. You are hoping going to go off without a hitch. 

This can also be very nervewracking! 

You might be afraid that your dickhead brother is going to be a jerk, your grandmother might say something embarrassing, your dad could go stone-cold with disapproval. 

Aunt Lucy is a little…eccentric

Every family has crazy in it. Granted, there are varying degrees of craziness, your families crazy isn’t a reflection of you. You are a great freaking catch and if your family has a large amount of crazy, warn the person you’re bringing home to Thanksgiving and ask them to love your family as they are and go with the flow. 

Have your mind right, have your attitude right, and go in with the intention of having a wonderful holiday together. That might mean calming your nerves by meditating, working out, or doing whatever gives you peace. Relax, knowing that everything is going to work out as it should. 

Tips for meeting a new family 

Go into Thanksgiving with an open mind and a big heart. 

Remember to be kind and have good manners. Being courteous goes a long way. Just like your mom taught you, say please and thank you and be kind and gracious. 

Take a gift! Bring mom some wine, flowers, chocolates…you can’t go wrong with these three things! For a nice added touch, Go to any grocery store with a floral department and ask the florist to make an arrangement for you Instead of getting a pre-packaged bouquet. And while you’re there, grab a case of beer for dad.

Remember to just be yourself, and put your best foot forward. 

Eat pie and have fun!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of love, laughter, and quality time with your loved ones. Count your blessings, eat your pie, and make each moment count.

 

What The Bachelor in Paradise Taught us About ❤️ Love

Yes, The Bachelor franchise is a guilty pleasure, but nobody can ignore that it’s also a social juggernaut! Every contestant and kiss and drama and diss is the topic of conversations at kitchen tables, around water coolers, and internet gossip!

The show and all of its ‘players’ are fascinating. I like to think of it as a Petrie dish for relationships! Everything is a hyper extreme version of what we experience in the real world, which means that there are some love lessons even amongst all the reality tv craziness.

Bachelor in Paradise is an offshoot of the Bachelor and Bachelorette series and recently wrapped up its 6th season. The show puts past contestants of all ages, from all seasons, all very single (well, mostly) on a beach and basically says…ready, set, go love each other! And while you’re at it lets stir up some drama, exes, relationship traumas, and more love triangles than an AP geometry class.

But the show isn’t all scandal and drama. Yes, things happen way faster than they would in the real world, everyone is really hot and consuming skinny margs on the regular…but there are young hopeful romantics looking for love and genuinely ready to find “the one.”

So, to commemorate season 6 wrapping up, here’s my take on the 3 major lessons about love and dating we learned from The Bachelor in Paradise.

Lesson #1 Let love in

Sometimes, well – a lot of the time – love surprises the heck out of you. This season showed us that unexpected and unplanned love can be two things: scary and so worth it. Dean Unglert and Caeylnn Miller-Keyes are one of this season’s greatest love stories. Dean came onto the show mustached and free-spirited (we get it, Dean, you live in a van) and from all POVs was not serious about finding love.

But love happened, it happened fast, and then – say what?- Dean ran away. He and Caelynn immediately connected and were inseparable until Dean dumped her…on her birthday of all days! He told her that although he cared for her so deeply, it wouldn’t work out after the show because of his lifestyle and the life he had waiting for him back home. He chose their fate and left the beach.

We all have a past

As Dean was leaving Caelynn I was yelling at the tv, “Dean, way to be scared of love!” No shame! But Dean’s fear of love didn’t just come out of the blue. Like all of us, he has a past and that past shapes his opinions and actions when it comes to love. Dean has experienced a lot of loss in a short amount of time.

When you add it all up, those factors can make it challenging to be vulnerable. Instead of leaning in and taking a chance, he made up his mind and fled. That was the safe option and not one of us can say we wouldn’t do the same.

Fast forward and Dean, mustache free and with a clear head and heart, comes back to the beach and asks Caeylnn to accept him back and to (OMG) leave paradise with him.

This sounds like a dream sequence right out of a movie, right? But you’ve got to wonder – what happened? Straight up, love happened. Dean just couldn’t stop thinking about her. He went back to that life he was so intent on living – living in a van and just doing ‘HIM.’

But then picture his day to day: picture the scene: Dean gets back to his ‘real life,’ just him and a van. He drives hours and hours to The Grand Canyon, one of the most breathtaking life changing places in the world…but does it all alone (womp womp womp). He told Caelynn, that the moment he left, on the flight home, driving to the Grand Canyon, and then just standing over that monumental red rock wonder of the world he only wished for one thing: for Caelynn to be there with him.

Fast fast forward and the couple are going strong. They support each other. They are Instagram cute and awkward. And we are all rooting for their love to last!

Don’t let fear win

No matter what your life plans are, no matter what you’ve seen and experienced in your parent’s relationship, your own past, this is your life and you deserve and should have love. Guess what; not only does life happen while you’re busy planning, it’s just as true that LOVE happens then too.

Maybe you have plans to live in a van for a year and travel the US just like Dean, maybe you are focused on building up your companies and selling them, or moving to the perfect location, finding the perfect job, being the most perfect version of yourself BEFORE you allow love in.

But when is that perfect time? Who is that “perfect” version of you,you and is all that really attainable is he or she actually attainable or just a reason to push people away? And does Does that mean you are going to wake up in 10 years with a house and fancy things and exotic travel plans but nobody to share them with? If you stay closed off, it just might.

Love is rolling its eyes at you

That’s why I ask you to be open to love…today. Right now. Even if you’re ‘too busy’ or are leaving on an airplane in 3 days or still need ‘healing.’ Love doesn’t wait. Love doesn’t care about your schedule or how ‘messy’ your life is. At least be open to the fact that your dream man or woman could walk into your life today. No matter if you think you are ‘ready’ for it or not!

Lesson #2 Keep your side of the street clean

Blake Hortsmann left the show with a big Bachelor sized target on his back. And no matter if you think the public blew things out of control, or ‘Bachelor Nation’ treated him like a pariah, he didn’t do himself any favors.

This is Blake’s infamous now story: It barely took a week into the show before two female contestants learned they had unknowingly hooked up with Blake on subsequent nights at a music festival. Because of this, nobody trusted Blake and he just moped around the beach all alone confused as to the situation he was in.

Blake didn’t fare well on the beach and left all alone. Then he made the situation so much worse putting Caelynn’s morning after texts on blast to tabloid magazines…and the world. Obviously, this situation happened on a massive ABC tv show scale, but guess what – there is a lesson in this for us all. Blake did NOT keep his side of the street clean and it bit him in the butt.

Integrity first

Keeping your side of the street clean meets treating the people in your dating as if the whole world is watching. It doesn’t matter if it’s a first date, somebody you’re just sleeping with, or the person you’ve been dating for months or years, and it doesn’t matter if you’re on a national TV show, or live in a small town or big city. Tidy up!

These days, everyone really sees each other. We can not act like fools and get away with it! Social media makes hookups, breakups, and mess-ups public. And we’ve all experienced that phenomenon of feeling like we live in a small town no matter the actual population of where we live! I live in a big city, Denver, and it’s crazy how I end up seeing exes and people in my dating past on the regular! When I run into people from my past I am so grateful that I treated each of them well and put my integrity first, even if things didn’t end perfectly.

Get cleaning!

I’ve also seen the opposite happen, where people get nasty and sloppy, and the results are ugly. Screenshots and nasty digs on social media. Gossip amongst friend groups and a bunch of stuff that lives on forever online and the worst of all – a tarnished reputation.

Keeping your side of the street clean is not that hard! Have poise, breakup with grace and kindness, don’t mess around in the same friend groups (guys and gals, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea) and not only will you maintain a good reputation, you’ll feel better about the way you treat yourself and others.

Lesson 3: Give love time to grow.

Cam is a unique character from the most recent Bachelorette season. He has been portrayed as the “nice guy” but I’m calling him out as straight up thirsty, desperate and having zero patience in the game of love. And guess what, it shows and he keeps walking away single and loveless! Cam does NOT give love time to grow.

During this season of Bachelor in Paradise, Cam actually started off looking good! He came off sweet and sincere but…then came the downside – he ‘turned it on’ really fast and really intense. The most glaring and cringeworthy example: him sitting Caelynn down and reading her a WAY too long and too personal poem that he ‘stayed up all night working on’ without really knowing her. It. was. Awkward. And here’s the thing: she genuinely had voiced some interest in him! She was happy to sit down and have a conversation with him! And then, he blew it.

What he said wasn’t even sweet, it just read inauthentic and creepy. In love, we all have to give things time.

What’s the rush?

There is this unspoken pressure to hurry up in dating and love. A pressure to make something super special out of a casual first date, to take things from ‘just getting to know each other’ to let’s be official ASAP, and to lock him or her down, get definitive answers and have that person be your everything NOW.

That all sounds really intense, right? That’s because it is! It’s intense for the person you are dating or pursuing, and it does nothing good for you either.

If you try to rush the relationship, chances are high that they will just pick up and leave! They start thinking, “why are you putting me in this position, and are you even considering my perspective?”

Being rushed into love feels unnatural because it IS unnatural. And here’s what it really does:

1. You become less attractive

The #1 way to look unattractive and needy is to come across desperate. And doing things like Cam’s creepy poem and handing out feelings WAY too soon is not a good look.

There are times you might put your foot in your mouth, maybe saying something like ‘OMG my mom would love you for that….’ Ack! Did I just mention MY MOM?! But don’t worry about (totally cute) comments like that made out of the blue. There is a big difference between letting leak that maybe you’ve been thinking about that person in your future, and inviting your family to join you on your third date.

2. You might miss out on the one

You want to have a partner, you want it to be official, but do you really want that with this person? So often the push takes over and has almost nothing to do with if you guys are a great match! All that

You could miss out on the one – You started out liking this person, great. But the obsession with making things official or pressing on too fast now has way less to do with connection and more to do with your goals and wants.

The truth is, people tend to rush relationships because of some deeply preconceived notions about what they think they need to make them happy. They think that once a long term relationship happens the sky will open up and shower rainbows and love butterflies on them.

That’s not how it works. The world gives to those who are patient! Rushing toward it with just anyone you kind of like is not going to get you there.

What’s next?

Lessons straight from the beach: Be open to love in your life (no matter the circumstances!), be kind in your love life because everyone’s watching! And finally, give love time to grow and happen.

Now get out there and love!

How to Survive Cuffing Season

When it comes to love and dating, the seasons matter! That’s why it’s the perfect time to talk about what’s happening right now…cuffing season!

The ways we navigate connecting, hooking up and finding love change throughout the year just like our wardrobes. And when it comes to THIS time of year (fall/end of summer) things change a lot. 

What is cuffing season? 

It’s a force to be reckoned with. It’s something to keep your eye on if you are single or dating. 

It’s pressure, stress but also a phenomenon you can totally prep for. You just need a little help from me!

The leaves are falling, is your love life?

Here we are in September and early October where there is a major shift in how we view the dating world. The leaves start to change, we start dreaming about holiday plans, we lineup on Sunday for football…all fun things. 

But if we are single or dating we feel a STRONG urge to couple up.

Cuffing season is what happens when we start to think about the chilly days and romanticized moments ahead, which then makes us fantasize about how great it would be to be with someone. 

I’m going to help you prepare for and navigate cuffing season so you can glide through it confidently and stay optimistic no matter what your relationship status!

When cuffing season hits we panic.

The panic comes from totally natural and normal human responses.

First, our hormones push us to partner up for the winter. We know what’s ahead – fewer nights out due to cold weather, yummy warm meals perfect for sharing and more nights at home watching movies and lazing by the fireplace. Sounds romantic, right? 

Second, our instinct to be in a relationship kicks in big time. We want to have someone to bring to holiday parties, someone to be safe and warm with, and someone to get holiday gifts for. The holiday pressure from your family also plays a big role in your stress levels. 

Stay tuned for my Thanksgiving week post about surviving family pressure during the holidays. That’s a whole other topic!

But here is the thing – we need to look out for how we respond to this season – our hormones and instincts can push us to act in ways we wouldn’t usually. We might try TOO hard to find a partner and we might try to make a relationship out of something that isn’t right. Basically, cuffing season makes us a little crazy!

I guess you’ll do…?

Be careful about getting into a relationship just for the sake of getting into a relationship.

I’m not saying that you’re more desperate during cuffing season, but the stress of it all can make us forget about what it is we REALLY want in a partner. Even I feel the heat around this time of year! Nobody is immune. 

My advice: Keep it 100! Today is THE PERFECT DAY to either create or revisit your love list. If you have my 7 secrets to manifest love, you’ve heard my advice to make a list of exactly what it is you want in a partner. Not just general things like—active, has a good job, likes to travel—but get to the details! Is he or she optimistic? Do they want kids? How will you feel when you’re around them? 

THESE are the things you need to put out to the universe AND remember when you are tempted to partner up with someone. If they don’t meet your list criteria…it’s a no! Do NOT try to date someone just because it’s cuffing season. You are perfect and amazing and will make it through single if that’s how things play out. Trust me.

Under pressure.

Then there is the time pressure. During cuffing season, we feel like the clock is ticking. It seems like ALL our friends are in relationships. New years is coming,  holiday parties are getting planned and OMG what if we go into the holidays single. I say—f that! This season is just another beautiful time to get to know and LOVE YOUR SELF.  

Summer lovin’. Did it happen too fast?

Let’s talk about your summer boo. Some of you have met somebody this summer and things have been fun, summer casual, but now you’re all of a sudden, out of the blue thinking…are we exclusive? 

Cuffing season intensifies the need to be with someone. There’s a push to make it official… sometimes out of the blue! I caution you to really think if you are wanting the relationship for the sake of cuffing up, or because this person really is a great match. Also, be careful not to freak out the person you’re dating with an unexpected ‘what are we’ talk. If you’ve been casually dating for a month and then invite them to Christmas with your entire extended family…you’re going to scare them off! Remember that you might be having feelings that are not 

Build your toolbox for self-love and sanity

Another piece of advice is to create a cuffing season toolbox. Create a list of things to do and people to spend time with when it’s cold and cuddly and you feel alone during this season. 

Hang out with your positive single friends! Plan a girls-only/all bro holiday brunch or football party. Plan a holiday party with your favorite people and make sure its NOT ALL COUPLES. This is also a great time of the year to pick up a new hobby! 

Start taking those language lessons you’ve always wanted to do, take an improv class, go salsa dancing and do fun things that are just for you. 

You will think so much less about being single and just bask in the glow of having so much fun living YOUR badass life. 

Change the channel.

This next bit of advice is for my sappy holiday content fans—you know who you are. Be wary of the cheesy unrealistic romantic stuff! Turn off the Hallmark! Don’t watch Love Actually on loop. 

If you are going to go deep into the warm and fuzzy holiday movies do it with your favorite friends instead of alone only armed with a box of tissues and halo top ice cream. Holiday movies are fun, but treat them with care!  

I love to go the opposite route and make a holiday playlist that I can listen to anytime that cuffing season sadness sneaks in. Your playlist should be less ‘All I want for Christmas is you’ and more ‘I was born like this don’t even gotta try’ Lizzo kind of vibe! 

What this season is really about.

And finally, Get your gratitude on! Write down all the ways you are grateful for the friends, family, and life you have. Take the holiday season as a wonderful time to share with the people you love instead of thinking about what, or who, you don’t have. Your life is full of abundance so take notice!

You’ve got this!

To all my singles  – CUFFING SEASON IS COMING! But the good news – you got this. Be strong. be confident. Be thoughtful about what is happening and realize that thoughts you’re having are normal but you now know how to navigate the season with grace. 

Why men Lose Interest After Sex

You have sex, and they stop calling.

Why is it that men lose interest after sex? It happens all the time. But what if I told you that it’s not you, it’s hormones! There are biological reasons that men lose interest and they are mostly based on hormonal responses. I’m here to help you understand what those are, plus how to keep them interested regardless of when you do the deed.

It’s human nature.

Men are wired to lose interest after sex.

Ladies: it’s not really their fault—men are biologically wired to develop attraction instantly through physical appearance. But for emotions to develop it takes far more time for men to become invested.

Our dating culture (and our world) is all about instant gratification. We hate to wait for anything! We want our meals now, we want our media now, and when we feel like having sex, we want that now too!

This culture of impatience can lead to doing it really soon after meeting someone, if not on date #1. The world of online apps also lends itself to a lot of innuendo and sexual flirtation (not to mention the sexting and pics) before you even meet!

Here’s the thing – Being DTF is totally fine. But if it’s a romantic partnership you seek usually one or two-night stand will not lead to true love. Having sex right away does not guarantee that things will immediately fizzle, but it definitely happens more often than not.

Hormones in play.

When it comes to men, hormones play a huge role in love dating and mating. There are three hormones men need to fall in love: Testosterone, dopamine, and vasopressin.

Here’s what each does for fellas:
Testosterone helps men to feel manly. It boosts their sex drive.
Dopamine contributes to that excited feeling that happens when we crave something. It’s the hormone that gets the reward center going. You know it by that high when you take a bit of the most decadent cake you’ve ever had, or that rush you get as you’re closing in on a first kiss.
Vasopressin helps men hold interest. According to the Harvard Neuroscience Institute, it’s the hormone “linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships.“

How hormones make him pull away.

Much of human behavior is influenced by hormones.

When a man is having sex his testosterone goes up. Immediately after orgasm, his T (testosterone) levels go back to normal. That increase really makes him feel like a manly! But once things go back to normal it’s not as exciting for his man brain. Oxytocin increases, which has the effect of lowering testosterone. And when a man’s testosterone levels decrease, he feels less like a man. He feels the need to pull away and may even lose interest for a while.

But that’s not to say his testosterone stays even for all that long. And if it’s the right point in a relationship, oxytocin can contribute to feelings of love through continued human contact.

When the chemistry is hot he’ll have more dopamine and he’ll want you like another piece of that chocolate cake. But after he eats that cake, he is satisfied and his brain tells him ‘hey, you’ve had your cake. You’re good! Move on.”

But if a man has an emotional interest as well, his dopamine drive will stay intact and he’ll seek more of the good stuff aka you.

Vasopressin helps him hold the interest of a woman and increases when he’s sexually excited but hella decreases after he orgasms

Here’s the thing: physical attraction is easy. But if there is no bonding the sexual chemistry will fizzle out.

So what…just don’t have sex?

Not completely. But, my advice? Wait.

Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin levels to increase. He is going to seek more situations that give him a dopamine rush. And he’ll feel wanted and manly #testosterone. When all those hormones are firing for long enough, they can cause a man to fall in love!

This is because a man has emotionally fallen for a woman.

If a guy is into someone emotionally and mentally and spiritually he will stick around
If he isn’t feeling a connection or feeling inadequate he will bounce

In her book ‘Men Chase, Women Choose’ Dawn Maslar explains that “Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin to increase and stay up long enough for the receptors to be built and then filled. Once this happens for a long enough span of time it can cause him to fall in love.”

I tried it out for myself.

I once dated a guy and we established early on that we weren’t going to have sex for a while. I proposed it, he agreed. We had a kissing only rule!

It was wild! We talked, went to concerts, got to know so much about each other, had crazy makeout sessions and wow our sexual chemistry was crazy! Putting off having sex gave us time to really get to know each other.

Here’s the thing. I kept his interest and the emotional bond came naturally. Then, one day I realized he was REALLY into me. He was texting me all the time and spending all his time off with me. I knew it was time. Here’s the best part…when we actually had sex, it was fantastic!

Get emotionally naked before you get really naked

Putting off having sex gave us time to connect and truly get to know each other. We learned about our favorite foods, our dreams, fears, passions, significant life events, heartbreaks and more.

I kept his interest by making him invest time while I invested too. We BOTH had to work. This wasn’t a one-sided endeavor. I also had to keep his interest. This meant texts back, flirting and showing affection. Remember that dopamine, testosterone, and vasopressin we talked about before? Those hormones were working in both of our favors while they built up and made him feel excited and curious about what we could be as a romantic couple.

Through all of our sex-free time together I made sure that he knew when the time was right it was totally going to be worth it.

Instead of putting out, put IN to the relationsihip.

Hopefully you now see why waiting to have sex majorly outweighs jumping into bed right away. Some final tips before I signoff:

°If a man thinks a woman is cool AF and wants to sleep with her that’s a magic recipe. The only way this happens is with time together.

°Keep him in pursuit mode. In the work that I do, I teach about the 5 Ps in a relationship and one of them is PURSUE – Biologically speaking men are hunters and they don’t respond well by being chased. They’re driven by testosterone and dopamine. Men NEED to pursue women.

°Keep him hungry! For life, love, sex. Men want to work and feel a sense of accomplishment. They work hard to get money, then value that money. They lift hard to see muscle and value those gains. They put time into you and—you guessed it—they value you. Keep them interested so they picture you in their goals and accomplishments and as a part of their lives.

If you like a guy and want him in your life…wait.

The Three F’s. Do These Three Things for Your Man

Are you a woman who is looking for love and a good, healthy relationship? Who isn’t!? I’m here to help you nurture your man—physically, emotionally and mentally with what I call ‘The three F’s.’ These secrets will help him flourish and thrive. He will feel better about himself. He will value your relationship and show up as the partner you deserve. Sounds pretty good, right?

Your man is going to be more confident and content when he feels loved and valued. And that means that your man is going to show up as his best self, especially for you. 

So, what are the 3 F’s? Men need to be fed, fueled and…made love to. (You know what I mean. Wink, wink.)

Us women are complicated creatures! We are emotional beings with various needs. Since we live in a world of complexity, we tend to assume men are complicated as well. Men are wonderful. They are unique, fabulous, and they surprise us regularly. But, they aren’t all that complicated!

Ladies, doing these things for your man is not about you being passive, subservient, and doing everything for your man. This is all about showing up as a partner, a lover, a ride or die, and the woman who sticks by her man. Because a wise woman knows that if her man is thriving, she will thrive too. 

The 3 F’s will help you cater to the needs of a man’s mind, body, and soul. Men are kind of on the societal sh*tlist right now. Let’s bring love back to the men. 

The first F is feed.

Men love to eat. Shoot, we all do! But when men are cooked for and fed, it nurtures their stomachs and their hearts. You know what they say, ‘the quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach.’ It’s true! Feeding a man makes him feel like he is cared for.  

This warm feeling comes from the very first meal a man had with their mom. Humans equate food with love because the very first person they loved—and that loved them— gave them their very first meal. It’s a profoundly subconscious response.

Cook, you say? Isn’t that what Uber Eats is for? Ladies, you don’t have to be a chef! If you love to cook, cook. I don’t personally love to cook, but if I like a guy, I will make a point to cook for him on date 6 or sometime in the second month of dating. I also tell him, “look I’m not a cook. It’s not my thing, but I like you, and I want to cook you dinner.” This tells him that even though this is something I do not usually do, I like him and think he is special. Cooking is a way for me to show that I’m making an effort because I believe he is worth it.  

Another aspect of feeding your man is eating with him. It is so vital that you eat with him. I don’t care if you are on date 1 or 15, chow down and don’t be afraid! Not eating on a date due to nerves or because you don’t want to look uncouth actually sends the not so great message. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who can joyfully share food with a man. Think about how playful and romantic it is to share nachos or french fries at a game or concert! I’ve heard more than once from a male client that a date went really well, and he loved how she took pleasure in and shared food with him. Food is love, it’s joy, it’s sharing.  It’s pleasure, and it’s an easy and beautiful way to show a man that he matters. 

The second F is F$*k.

Men are sexual creatures! They need to have sex, and they seek it out. When you are out dating, you should know every man you talk to wants to date and have sex. If he’s flirting with you, he wants to have sex with you. If he asks you for your number, he wants to sex with you. Yes. It’s that simple, that basic. 

Ladies, when it comes to your man, find out what he likes and how often he likes it. Think of it as taking his sexual temperature. Know his sex taste. 

Be prepared for what you find out! If he has a high sex drive, you should expect to be at it…a lot! For more on this read my article on Yogi Approved: ‘A girl’s guide to great sex: 8 Empowering tips to have amazing sex every time.’ 

You may be lacking confidence, or your sex drive is pretty low. Maybe you’re feeling a little meh in that department. Head to the article and trust me, it will help you feel sexy and get you into the mood faster!

The third F is fuel.

Fueling a man is all about showing him appreciation, respect, and admiration. Let’s fill our man with love. To fuel your man means you champion his career, his projects, his passions, his endeavors. Does your man show up and make you feel loved? Show your appreciation for him and the effort that he puts into the relationship. As his woman, he needs you to be his number one fan. 

Really, any woman can feed and f&*k a guy. It takes a real-ass woman who is confident, assertive, and secure with herself to fuel a man.

Fueling means you check in with him. Be a soundboard and show that you are there for him. When you check in with your man, you are supporting him as well as empowering him to be the best version of himself. 

The three F’s are all about keeping things simple. If we overcomplicate relationships, sh*t gets confusing. I challenge you to do this: every day make it a goal to do something to feed, f&*k, or fuel your man. You will find that he is not only happier and more fulfilled—you will be too. 

XOXO 

Jessica

 

When it Comes to Love, It’s Cool to Care

Why has it become cool not to care?

I’ve been paying attention. Something is going on in the dating world, and I don’t like it! It has become cool not to care.

We all want to avoid pain, especially in our dating and love lives. We are doing whatever we can to prevent heartbreak.

People are choosing to not care for others to protect themselves. But the moment you start caring, you will find more profound love and connection—let me show you how!

Stop letting fear win!

Making dating decisions based on fear is not working. I’m making you a firm promise: You can have feelings/fall in love and not fall apart if things don’t work out. You will be fine!

Heartbreak has destroyed you in the past. But it’s ‘destroyed’ you because you don’t view yourself as a whole outside of a relationship.

A lot of people equate being single with inadequacy. When we suffer a breakup, not only does it hurt to lose that person, it also diminishes our self-worth.

Not caring is what is keeping us from giving love another chance! Caring about the outcome, and caring about the other person, can be so very beautiful. Let’s try it out. Together.

These myths are closing us off from love

These are the myths that make us not care and make us terrible dates and lonely humans.

Myth #1: I should do everything I can to keep myself from looking like a fool.

When we were kids, and we had a crush on someone, it was embarrassing when people found out. As we got older, we held onto that type of embarrassment. In a lot of ways, we still act like the little kid that had their crush exposed. So we do everything we can to hide our true feelings in fear of people finding out.

Myth #2: I must keep my heart safe and unbroken.

We assume that by not letting anybody in, we can avoid pain and suffering. We keep our feelings hidden to protect our hearts. Unavailable people have boundaries and walls up. You can’t always see it, but you can feel it.

Myth #3: If I ignore the feelings, they’ll go away.

We hope that if we deny our feelings, we won’t have them. Denying your feelings for someone also means rejecting the potential for love and connection.

These myths numb our feelings of love. They prevent us from positive emotions in other areas of our lives.

If you’re disengaged and not allowing yourself to feel, your performance at work will suffer. Your relationships with your friends will suffer. Your dates will be surface level and will be nothing more than disposable.

Care more. Love more. Be fully content.

What would the world be like if it was the opposite? What if it was COOL to CARE? What if you let go of the myths and the lies that have been keeping you from love.

Dating would be more fulfilling, more fun, and right now, dating is tumultuous. And if you made it cool to care, dating would be a pleasant experience.

Find more respectful, thoughtful and intimate relationships. Take that risk. Follow your heart.

Listen to the Game of Love podcast to dive deeper and harness the power of caring. Create a world where it’s not safe to love; it’s safe to care, and to get all the love you deserve!

XOXO

Jessica

Real Truths About Men

Let’s Talk Real Truths about Men!

I sat down with an incredible human to discuss some real truths about men. Truths about what men are yearning for in relationships, in connecting with other men and what it means to be a man today. Yes ladies and gentlemen, finally the things we all want and need to know! I talked with the remarkable, inspirational (I can go on and on) Geoff Laughton who—for 19 years—has been a leader in mental health, healthy relationships and spearheading a much-needed movement: The evolving man. Men sing his praises, women are constantly telling him “Thank you!” and it’s because he is providing a place where men can go to learn about being and harnessing the man they want to be.

So, what is going on with men today? 

Here’s what is so interesting about what Geoff has taught me: today we live in a world where the focus is so often on women loving themselves and connecting with other women to heal. Yet it’s much rarer to hear about men loving themselves. Men are confused. Men are scared. Men desire to tap into their truest selves and understand how the women in their life experience them. Incredible stuff, right?

I have to share this. Now. As the years have gone on what Geoff has witnessed this first hand…

“Men are changing from asking ‘how am I happier in my career and relationship?’ to men getting their lives more aligned with their spirit, with their longing…and they are becoming free.”

Men are so often the ones called upon to be strong, to be masculine and to also be in tune with their emotions and true selves. How can they do it all? And who can they lean on to be in tune with their most fulfilled—as a man? I asked Geoff what the biggest transformation he has seen in men over his almost two decades of coaching, writing and acting as a mentor to men. His answer:

“They are coming alive. The biggest transformation is helping men come back to life.”

Men know to focus on the following: Their jobs. Their money. The size of their you know what…but men are and desire to value and be so much more. What do men want? They want to be good husbands, boyfriends, partners, friends, fathers. No matter their age, men are questioning EVERYTHING, and-guess what—nothing is quite so powerful as sitting in a room full of guys who are all interested in being the best man they can be.

What’s the biggest difference between a man who operates in the status quo and one who can connect with other men in authentic ways? 

It’s the difference between not having others in your life who truly see you and then being thrust into a place men can get real, and can get immediate feedback from all the other men in the room. Geoff recognized that when men get together, they are forced to be wholly real. It’s hard to BS a room of dudes who see you fully and are as hungry to learn, grow and evolve.

Geoff does his thing in a way that isn’t shaming or judgemental but is loving and compassionate. He also loves how powerful the sense of community is amongst the men in his groups. All the men he knows (himself included) often act as the lone wolf in their world. They keep things to themselves and are set on figuring out their problems. 

Keeping things in their mind and ego is preventing men from being the best version of themselves they can be.

This change: men, it’s inconvenient. But wow, is it so worth it. You’ve been fed a bunch of lies (okay boys and girls, we ALL have). Undoing that old conditioning and set of stereotypes about how men should be…that’s the biggest transformation. Men are learning how to fall in love with themselves and be far less dependent on how they get validated in the external world. Men are also (this is where the ladies say, hallelujah!) relying less on their woman to be their BFF, therapist, lover, business confidante, etc. 

Men and women shouldn’t have to be all things to each other and in fact as Geoff reminds me time and again, they can not! We are not wired to think like the opposite sex and the moment we can accept that everything gets so much easier. like women know to rely on other women, men are joining the charge of connecting and being truthful with each other.

Men-you are hard-wired to ‘perform.’ Like how you’ve been taught it’s your job to kill the bear, hunt and provide! So what does it mean when you can’t wait to get home and watch The Bachelorette with your girlfriend? It means you’re normal. It means you are a creature who has both a masculine and feminine side that is going to ebb and flow. It means you are a human.

“Men are hopeless romantics pretending to be powerful people and women are powerful people pretending to be hopeless romantics.”

For men, it’s much harder to get to that place of showing vulnerabilities. There are a lot of stereotypes out there now that tell men they don’t have feelings, that they shouldn’t have insecurities, and that men don’t get broken-hearted. There is SO much healing that needs to happen.

Men are deep feeling creatures but unfortunately, culture and society have told men they are ‘machines.’ Jessica encourages female listeners to get interested in the men you’re dating, the men you’re passing on the street, your male friends, brothers, your father. Geoff agrees! He implores us all to “learn the person, not the gender.”

What the biggest challenges single men are facing in the dating world today.?

1. Not meeting women in person. 

Oh yes. I know this one too well. We’re experiencing a phenomenon of ‘text-ashionships’ where potential couples are trying to get to know each other over messages. How do you get to know someone when the introduction and conversations happen over text or messages through an app? Answer: you don’t.

2. How to know if the woman you’re dating is “the one?” 

Geoff shares some awesome advice on this one—we are so used to rushing and wanting to know right away if they are your forever person. Instead, the only thing you should focus on during that first date is if you want to go on another one! People are putting on their best face during those first few dates (meaning, as Geoff said, they’re full of it!). I love this notion because it means that it’s going to take time so you don’t have to know much of anything right away.

3. How to tell if it’s an attraction (or lust) vs. true compatibility? 

One word of advice from Geoff sums this one up: SLOW. If you’re in a hurry it means you are looking for an external plug to make you feel better about yourself. And if that’s what your relationship is based on…you’re screwed! Now flip that notion: If you (men or women) are content and satisfied with yourself then there is no urgency and you can get to know another and relax and enjoy the ‘getting to know you’ moments.

Geoff is creating environments of openness and facilitating the conversations men and women need. He is advocating for more feeling and helping us all find more love. WE NEED MORE LOVE. Period.

Men and women—I can’t wait for you to tune in to our conversation and hear more of Geoff’s heart and the remarkable insights he has. We had some fun talking about what courting is (and do people even know what that means!?), discussed the relationship between a man’s mothering and his current view on manhood, and the encouragement he gets meeting men in their 20’s and 30’s who are completely ready to figure out what the missing pieces are in why they don’t feel fulfilled. Listen to this week’s Game of Love Podcast and be sure to subscribe to level up in the world of dating and love!

If you want to learn more about what Geoff and his team are doing to shake up how men are becoming honest with themselves check out his work, learn about his groups (which you can attend in person in Denver and Boulder, or virtually if you are anywhere else), send him an email! You can find Geoff at yourrelationshiparchitect.com, theevolvingman.com and at [email protected].

 

Until next time, get out there and love each other.

 

XOXO Jessica

How to Manifest the Love you Want

How to Manifest Love—with advice from my soul sister Ashton August

I’m in love. In love with love. I’m also in love with bringing romance, joy, and love to the world. That’s why Ashton August has a special place in my heart. She is just as passionate about giving others tools to live with intention, joy and get everything that you want out of life. If you don’t know who she is…you’re in for a treat! Ashton and I host ‘Beach, Pray, Love,’ yoga retreats (we are still glowing from our Tulum where we hosted 13 beautiful women). She is the founder of Yogiapproved.com and author of ‘Learn, Grow, Shift’—a workbook that helps you have grace and poise as you enact what it is you seek to manifest in your life. She is my great friend, colleague, and soul sister. She invigorates my quest to help others. 

I recently sat down with Ashton to share her wisdom with my Game of Love Podcast listeners. After reflecting on our conversation I am eager to share some of the incredible advice we have on manifesting what it is you want. You’ll walk away with the powerful knowledge of how to think, speak and feel your way into the relationship of your dreams! It’s going to change your love life.

First—what is manifestation?

Before we get started, know this: manifestation does not have to be intimidating and, in fact, is so simple to apply! You can do it right here, right now. Manifestation is a powerful concept but it’s easy to put into practice when you have the proper understanding and the tools to do so. Let’s break it down. As the law of attraction states, everything is made up of energy and like attracts like. Whatever it is you’re putting out there (thoughts, actions) is the same energy you’re attracting back. Here’s an example: We all know those people (maybe it’s you!) that are always saying “I have the worst luck, nothing ever goes my way” These people are affirming a ‘bad luck’ energy and that’s the exact same energy they’re attracting back.

We also know that man or woman who exudes confidence, walks tall and believes good things are coming their way. And damn, it DOES come their way, again and again! What’s their secret? Manifestation! It’s important to watch your thoughts words and actions because they’re actively creating the reality you’re experiencing. 

How can manifestation improve your love life?

We are all looking for love. Manifestation does not only help you find love—but love that’s greater and more fulfilling. As my girl Ashton says “You are so worthy of that love. You deserve it. You will have it.” I also get that the world of dating is tumultuous now; frustrations, nights alone, apps, bad dates. People don’t know what to do to get what they want! The law of attraction and manifestation can play a huge role in finding what you’re looking for.

Ashton and I know this to our core—the universe is listening! It’s listening to our words and thoughts, so when we say something like “ugh, there aren’t any good men” the universe says back, “Ok girl if that’s the case then I won’t send you any good men!” Ashton shared this incredible insight with us: When you say something like “there are no good men” the underlying meaning is really “I am lacking. I am not finding good men. There are only bad men.” Wow, that’s heavy. And if you really think that’s true, then you’ll be attracting more of those ‘bad men’. Flip those negative thoughts on their head! Attract it, affirm it, and make it empowered and intentional.

Visualize the details

When it comes to getting what you yearn for, it’s all in the details. You’ve got to figure out exactly what it is you want! I’m not talking “I want a house, I want a partner” because that means the universe is going to give you some random home and random person. Ashton nailed it when she said you need to create a filter for the universe. Get specific. Instead of “I want a significant other,” go further. “I want someone who is educated, kind, successful, etc.”

Literally, close your eyes and visualize the details. If you want a husband/wife then figure out what their physical attributes are like, what the relationship is like, and how your life changes or shifts because of them. This is the most important and wild, life-changing part (again, Ashton dropping her insane knowledge!)—you need to live your life like you have that thing or person in your life already! 

Start small

Try manifestation with the little things. Manifest a front row parking spot, manifest that a tough conversation with a friend or family member is going to go well, manifest that you are going to nail that presentation. Become acutely aware of the little things you’re manifesting moment to moment and day to day and become aware of any negative manifestations that you might not have even noticed!

One way to practice is to start accepting compliments. Ladies, you are often guilty of this! Hearing the good, believing the good and then accepting that compliment with a smile is so attractive. If you are on a date and you get a compliment from a man and you graciously accept it—THAT IS SEXY. If you reject that compliment you’re doing just the opposite, and you’ve shut him down. Simply instilling that self-awareness in how you think and how you’re speaking to yourself and others is the premise for practicing manifestation.

Be kind to yourself

Try this today. Think about something that you habitually say that might be negative or not self-serving. For example, “it’s too late to find love, all the good men/women are taken.” If you continue to say these things you’re continuing to affirm them and truly believe them. Let’s try something new. You could say “you know what, I’m not just worthy of love, I’m going to find it!” Your dream man or woman isn’t going to knock on your door right that minute (well, maybe they will!) but just starting that positive self-talk is you putting out all the goodness to the universe and it’s exactly what you’re going to get back. Manifestation has no limits. It’s up to YOU how things manifest and how it comes to fruition. 

How to make it a habit?

Ashton shares these three easy words: Practice, Pretend, Prepare.

Practice – Practice living the life you want with the love you want.

Practice speaking positive affirmations. If we can think anything why wouldn’t we choose to think we are spectacular, and that your dream person is coming your way? Take yourself out, take yourself on that trip and don’t wait for Mr. or Mrs. right to live that life you desire! When you start practicing as if you already have the love of your life in your life, THAT makes you attractive. There is a sparkle and shine to that man and woman—its a magnet for dates, attraction, and love.

Pretend – Pretend you already have it! 

You’ve visualized it, focused on it, and you’re speaking positively to affirm what it is you desire. But there’s another layer: how you would act if you have that thing or person in your life? How you would dress, act, view the world, and treat others and yourself? We’ve all heard the saying ‘dress for the job you want’ and that’s all manifestation! The moment you start acting as if you already have the thing you are manifesting, the universe pays attention, you feel that shift and others will definitely take notice.

Prepare – Prepare for the real thing because guess what, it’s already speeding your way.

Here’s a tip: If you’re looking around for love and marriage, you should probably stop sleeping around! Additionally, if you’re sleeping with people you know aren’t ‘the one’ or even something long term then you’re sending the signal that this non-commital not fulfilling love life is the one you want. Figure out what you want and anything that doesn’t align with that—get rid of it! With grace and kindness, of course. Another way to prepare is to mentally establish that positive self-talk habit. When you have that inner confidence, it’s impossible not to act (and believe) that you are worthy of love. It’s the difference between going on a date expecting it to be a failure and going on that date knowing-and frankly expecting-that love will happen for you.

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You guys, Ashton and I are so excited about what is out there for all of you! And wow, there is so much more to share about manifesting, self-talk, and attracting everything you desire and deserve. Tune in to this week’s Game of Love episode to hear more: Ashton and I share personal examples of how we’ve manifested everything from the perfect home to dates with athletes and even the perfect conch shell (yes, you can manifest anything!). We also dive deeper into ending negative dating patterns—this topic is so important—and how some of the work is hard but so worth what’s on the other side. 

I had a blast recording with my beautiful friend Ashton, and I can’t wait for you to listen to more of the goodness she brings to the world. You can also find more from us at yogiapproved.com where I am a contributing writer for their Love & Sex advice section and (so excited!) now an approved yoga instructor. I can’t wait for you all to put this into practice and watch as your love life is transformed!

Until next time, get out there and love each other.

XO Jessica