One afternoon I was shopping at Whole Foods buying stuff to make a salad when this handsome sandy hair blue eyed British guy asked me in his fabulous accent how to tell if watermelon was ripe. 20 minutes later we were standing in the Whole Foods produce section laughing and talking having a great conversation. He asked me out, and I was very excited to see him the next day.
The next day, the British guy and I sat down to have tea, and we were having a great conversation talking about philosophy and life. However, there was a weird feeling in my stomach. Something just felt a little off. I had been brushing it off as nerves, but as soon as I stopped and listened to the feeling, something in me said, “Girl, he’s married.”
Suddenly I smelled fabric softener and remembered a comedian who said, “Ladies, you can always tell if a dude is married if he smells like fabric softener.”
“Oh my God,” I thought. “That’s it.”
I looked at him and said calmly, “You’re married, aren’t you?”
He looked shocked almost sick to his stomach.
“How did you know?” he said. “How could you possibly know?”
He went on into a long dramatic story about him and his wife drama. I sat there and thanked the universe that I had listened to my intuition and spoke up. If I hadn’t listened and spoken up for myself, I could have gotten myself into a huge mess.
Your man or the man you are into may or may not be lying to you. If you want to find out, there are two things you need to do.
Ask Better Questions
Many of us need to better at vetting the men we are dating so we don’t blindly step into an unhealthy relationship. Men who are fabulous liars know how to dodge a question smoothly and skillfully but asking the right questions will keep them honest and help you find out if he’s lying to you.
Here’s a question you can ask him and get the answers you want if he’s seeing someone.
“Is there any woman out there that thinks you two are in a relationship?”
This question is designed to find out if he’s single or entangled with another woman by putting the focus on the potential another woman. The question takes the pressure off of him and allows him to open up and get a more truthful depiction of his situation.
You may get a lot of different answers from asking this question such as, “No, of course not. I wouldn’t be here with you if I did.”
“My baby mama is all crazy, and she’s drama….”
“There’s this one girl and but we aren’t serious.”
“I’m divorced or almost divorced.”
Whatever you get, make sure you listen and use your senses when he tells you the answer.
We need to listen better and using all of our facilities and senses.
Watch Your Tone and Listen
I always tell my clients that you can get the answer you want by asking questions with the right tone. When it comes to men, asking in a non-confrontational tone will create a safer place for them and will help them feel more comfortable in answering questions and having a conversation.
For example, when you ask “Is there a woman out there that thinks you’re in a relationship?” take a breath and listen with your eyes, ears, heart, and gut. Most important, listen to your intuition.
The answer will show up in your body as the icky feeling in your stomach. Your heart will tighten, and your mind will say to you “Something isn’t right here.” You’ll know right away if he’s legit and telling the truth or a lair. By using all of your resources, all of your senses, you’re going to hear the truth.
For more dating tips and tricks, listen to this episode of The Game of Love Podcast.
Sometimes lessons appear in the strangest of places….like the Super Bowl.
Weeks before the big game, I wasn’t thinking about the battle on the field between the Colts and Saints.
I was thinking about the battle within me. I was living two separate lives, one life being a jet-setting modern woman traveling the world, the other a spiritual yogi who loved to heal, spending endless hours practicing Ashtanga yoga and studying philosophy.
The battle had been happening for quite some time. I loved my yoga life. It fueled my spiritual prowess, and as a yogi, I immersed myself in practice. I was eating vegan, dressed from head to toe in yogi wear and living the yogi lifestyle.
But there was something that pulled at me that made me feel out of place as a full-blown practicing yogi. It felt a little weird. Something was off.
It was Super Bowl week in Miami and I was going.
The moment I stepped off the plane, I felt the energy the vibration at an all-time high.
The champagne, the parties, the loud chants of “Who Dat” from the droves of Saints fans shocked me as I was living a very simplistic life at the time.
But the ambiance of Super Bowl week was somewhat comforting.
The morning of the Maxim magazine party, I stood looking in the mirror….I hadn’t shaved for several weeks. I hadn’t colored my hair in months, hadn’t had a manicure or pedicure, and my feet hadn’t seen heels ages.
“I can’t go to the Maxim Party with hairy armpits.” I thought to myself, so I headed straight for the spa.
And let me tell you, that night walking into the Maxim party I felt gorgeous!
I was fully groomed, pampered and manicured. I wore this stunning baby blue satin dress and sparkling stilettos.
I was feeling myself so hard that night, I barely noticed all the celebrities and models around me. I was just so happy to have shaved legs and clean hair!
But something struck me that night at the party.
I stopped and noticed the emptiness around me.
The girls with hollow eyes all thirsty over the players, guys doing shot after shot and acting like dogs to the models. There was irritation and weariness on the faces of the coaches’ wives who looked like they would have preferred to stay home and drink a bottle of wine alone.
I realized that fully embracing this life of parties, models, and celebrities were not for me.
It wasn’t who I was.
Getting home, I showered and sat overlooking the ocean until the sun came up.
I felt stuck between the two worlds that have been battling. I loved living a spiritual life, but I also like to swear, eat meat, drink tequila and wear dresses that showed a little too much.
But the sun came up, the answer came to me.
Life was not about choosing one life or another. It was not about being super spiritual or being a party girl.
What I learned about myself was that I was both sides.
It can often feel at times that we have to be defined by society, that we have to be one or the another. The beauty of being human is the different facets and personalities we hold. That is why we are unique.
I was all of the partying and craziness of a Super Bowl week and I was also the calm and spiritual yogi. The only reason I felt conflict was because I was fighting it and felt like I had to choose between the two.
I was a spiritual woman that had fake lashes and wore hot pink yoga pants. I was the modern jet setting woman that could read people’s energy, heal others by my modalities and sit in lotus chanting in Sanskrit for hours.
Once I realized that I had two facets to me, a wave of peace and acceptance came over me.
I was complete. I was authentic. I was me.
And, the Super Bowl….epic.
🐝Dating Tip: Men’s Bumble Don’ts🐝
Gentleman, here are some tips to help with your online dating success!
1. Don’t make your first photo dorky, a group photo, or a photo with someone better looking than you. Put your best photo first!
2. Don’t post the shirtless bathroom photo or the fish picture. Colorado guys, we all know you love the outdoors and are excellent fishermen, but skip the fish picture.
3. Don’t skip writing your profile! If you don’t have the time to write that- you don’t have time to date or have a relationship.
4. Don’t make your profile a SNL skit. Be real…talk about what you’re looking for, and, of course, who you are. Feel free to add a little sarcasm, humor or whatever floats your boat. Write for your audience! Not for your bruhs!
5. Don’t have all of your pictures with other people, have all sunglasses in your photos, hiding your bald head, or pictures of scenery without you in them. Women need to know who YOU are!
❤️Need help with your love life? I can help! Check out my website for all the services I offer!
Too often I see women chasing after men when really they should be walking away and moving onto someone who will invest in them.
The chasing frequently starts after they’ve slept together when the woman’s hormonal state is heightened with oxytocin and dopamine. (Watch my video, “oxytocin crazies” to learn more) Her biology has her solely focused on the man she just mated with. It’s just evolution, not her being needy or crazy. ⚡️
Biologically speaking, men are hunters and usually don’t respond well to being chased. They are primarily driven by testosterone and dopamine. These two hormones make him feel masculine and hungry…..
~Hungry for life.
~Hungry for love.
~Hungry for sex.
~Hungry for you.
~ And just flat out hungry. 🦁
The thing is, men NEED to pursue women. Not chase but pursue. There’s a difference. Chasing is needy and unhealthy. Pursuing is healthily going after and putting effort into what they want. Pursuing is a biological primal need. It’s ancestral and hormonal driven.
💡Men VALUE what they work for.
If they work hard and make money-
they value the money.💵
If they lift and have an amazing body-
they value that body.💪🏽
If they put time and energy into you-
they value you.🤴🏻🤴🏼🤴🏾🤴🏿
If he’s not pursuing you- he’s not interested and it’s time to move on. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY….there are tons of amazing men out there that would love to call, date and marry your beautiful self! 😘❤️
And, if he’s pursuing… He’s interested!😉
Contact me for help with your love life!