Dating Detox: Preparing for Love in the New Year

It is officially November, and that means it’s the holiday season. A lot of us are very excited to celebrate the holidays with our friends and family but if you are single, you can be dreading this time of year.

You may be sad about spending the holiday alone again bracing for when the family asks why haven’t you met anyone, why are you still single, when are you going to get married, give us grandbabies and so on.

Well, I have good news for you! Help is on the way.

In this episode of The Game of Love Podcast, I’m going to walk you through my Dating Detox Protocol.  

My Dating Detox Protocol is a system designed to identify problems in your love life: what hasn’t been working, what has been working and what you can do about it.

It’s also purging exes, lovers, heartbreak, and negative dating patterns.

Some of the stuff in here is top secret. I usually do not share this. I don’t blog about it. I don’t write articles about it but I just couldn’t keep it a secret. 

Links

Check out my Sacral Vitality class on YogiApproved.com

Use the code jsmith at checkout and save 20% off your purchase.

Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume

Instagram: @jessicasmith.love

 

7 Warnings Signs They Aren’t the One

 

When it comes to finding love so many of us are barking up the wrong tree and wasting our time trying to be in a relationship with the wrong people. Many of us become confused and frustrated with the people we are dating. We wonder why they aren’t texting back, wishing we constantly have their attention, and hoping they will make plans with us.

Chances are that if we’re doing this, we are missing the signs that we are forcing this hookup to try to be a loving relationship.

If you’re feeling like your interest is matched and your level of investment into the relationship isn’t equal, this episode is just for you! I’ll explain the seven key warning signs that they are not the one and how to keep yourself from letting the feels take over in your decision making.

Links

Check out my Sacral Vitality class on YogiApproved.com

Use the code jsmith at checkout and save 20% off your purchase.

Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume

Love vs Connection: Why It’s Important to Know the Difference

 

Now there’s nothing wrong with connection, but where a lot of people get tripped up is looking for love within that connection. Often, we’re hooking up with someone during a one night stand, and entertaining people and relationships that we know aren’t going anywhere in hopes we will find something more.

In this episode, I will be addressing how we all look for love, but will often settle for connection and how you can navigate this tumultuous space and learn the difference between love and connection.

Links

Check out my Sacral Vitality class on YogiApproved.com

Use the code jsmith at checkout and save 20% off your purchase.

Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume

Follow me on Instagram for all things dating, mating, and love

7 Secret Ways Yoga Improves Your Sex Life

 

Yoga is loved and practiced by millions who are looking to keep their bodies healthy and mind peaceful. This ancient practice and philosophy have been around for centuries helping us gain self- realization, achieve enlightenment, and live happy, tranquil lives.

Did you know that yoga can not only improve your strength and flexibility but can take your sex life to a whole new level of satisfaction?

That’s right; Yoga can actually improve your sex life! All those warrior and down dog poses help you be physically capable of having fun and satisfying sex. It can also help you be present during sex, open up to and enjoy the sensation, and experience emotional connectivity.

In this episode, I’ll share the seven secret ways yoga improves your sex life. I also included some of my favorite products for you in the links section below.

Links

Check out my Sacral Vitality class on YogiApproved.com

Use the code jsmith at checkout and save 20% off your purchase.

Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman 

Jessica’s Hot Bedroom Tracks Spotify Playlist

Don’t Get Spooked: How to Ditch the Fear and Find Your Boo

 

As adults, we’ve traded in our fear of things that go bump in the night, to becoming freaked out by love and dating!

I often hear more than anything by men and women in the dating world how scary dating is, how terrifying it can be like a horror movie brought to real life.

Five major fears cross all our minds when we decide to venture in search of love. So in honor of October and Halloween, I’m here to cast a spell on those spooky myths and show you that, once you turn the lights on dating, there’s nothing to be afraid of!

This episode is about taking the fear out of dating so you can enjoy this festive holiday season and maybe FALL IN LOVE!

Follow me on Instagram for all things dating, mating, and love.

What The Bachelor in Paradise Taught us About ❤️ Love

Yes, The Bachelor franchise is a guilty pleasure, but nobody can ignore that it’s also a social juggernaut! Every contestant and kiss and drama and diss is the topic of conversations at kitchen tables, around water coolers, and internet gossip!

The show and all of its ‘players’ are fascinating. I like to think of it as a Petrie dish for relationships! Everything is a hyper extreme version of what we experience in the real world, which means that there are some love lessons even amongst all the reality tv craziness.

Bachelor in Paradise is an offshoot of the Bachelor and Bachelorette series and recently wrapped up its 6th season. The show puts past contestants of all ages, from all seasons, all very single (well, mostly) on a beach and basically says…ready, set, go love each other! And while you’re at it lets stir up some drama, exes, relationship traumas, and more love triangles than an AP geometry class.

But the show isn’t all scandal and drama. Yes, things happen way faster than they would in the real world, everyone is really hot and consuming skinny margs on the regular…but there are young hopeful romantics looking for love and genuinely ready to find “the one.”

So, to commemorate season 6 wrapping up, here’s my take on the 3 major lessons about love and dating we learned from The Bachelor in Paradise.

Lesson #1 Let love in

Sometimes, well – a lot of the time – love surprises the heck out of you. This season showed us that unexpected and unplanned love can be two things: scary and so worth it. Dean Unglert and Caeylnn Miller-Keyes are one of this season’s greatest love stories. Dean came onto the show mustached and free-spirited (we get it, Dean, you live in a van) and from all POVs was not serious about finding love.

But love happened, it happened fast, and then – say what?- Dean ran away. He and Caelynn immediately connected and were inseparable until Dean dumped her…on her birthday of all days! He told her that although he cared for her so deeply, it wouldn’t work out after the show because of his lifestyle and the life he had waiting for him back home. He chose their fate and left the beach.

We all have a past

As Dean was leaving Caelynn I was yelling at the tv, “Dean, way to be scared of love!” No shame! But Dean’s fear of love didn’t just come out of the blue. Like all of us, he has a past and that past shapes his opinions and actions when it comes to love. Dean has experienced a lot of loss in a short amount of time.

When you add it all up, those factors can make it challenging to be vulnerable. Instead of leaning in and taking a chance, he made up his mind and fled. That was the safe option and not one of us can say we wouldn’t do the same.

Fast forward and Dean, mustache free and with a clear head and heart, comes back to the beach and asks Caeylnn to accept him back and to (OMG) leave paradise with him.

This sounds like a dream sequence right out of a movie, right? But you’ve got to wonder – what happened? Straight up, love happened. Dean just couldn’t stop thinking about her. He went back to that life he was so intent on living – living in a van and just doing ‘HIM.’

But then picture his day to day: picture the scene: Dean gets back to his ‘real life,’ just him and a van. He drives hours and hours to The Grand Canyon, one of the most breathtaking life changing places in the world…but does it all alone (womp womp womp). He told Caelynn, that the moment he left, on the flight home, driving to the Grand Canyon, and then just standing over that monumental red rock wonder of the world he only wished for one thing: for Caelynn to be there with him.

Fast fast forward and the couple are going strong. They support each other. They are Instagram cute and awkward. And we are all rooting for their love to last!

Don’t let fear win

No matter what your life plans are, no matter what you’ve seen and experienced in your parent’s relationship, your own past, this is your life and you deserve and should have love. Guess what; not only does life happen while you’re busy planning, it’s just as true that LOVE happens then too.

Maybe you have plans to live in a van for a year and travel the US just like Dean, maybe you are focused on building up your companies and selling them, or moving to the perfect location, finding the perfect job, being the most perfect version of yourself BEFORE you allow love in.

But when is that perfect time? Who is that “perfect” version of you,you and is all that really attainable is he or she actually attainable or just a reason to push people away? And does Does that mean you are going to wake up in 10 years with a house and fancy things and exotic travel plans but nobody to share them with? If you stay closed off, it just might.

Love is rolling its eyes at you

That’s why I ask you to be open to love…today. Right now. Even if you’re ‘too busy’ or are leaving on an airplane in 3 days or still need ‘healing.’ Love doesn’t wait. Love doesn’t care about your schedule or how ‘messy’ your life is. At least be open to the fact that your dream man or woman could walk into your life today. No matter if you think you are ‘ready’ for it or not!

Lesson #2 Keep your side of the street clean

Blake Hortsmann left the show with a big Bachelor sized target on his back. And no matter if you think the public blew things out of control, or ‘Bachelor Nation’ treated him like a pariah, he didn’t do himself any favors.

This is Blake’s infamous now story: It barely took a week into the show before two female contestants learned they had unknowingly hooked up with Blake on subsequent nights at a music festival. Because of this, nobody trusted Blake and he just moped around the beach all alone confused as to the situation he was in.

Blake didn’t fare well on the beach and left all alone. Then he made the situation so much worse putting Caelynn’s morning after texts on blast to tabloid magazines…and the world. Obviously, this situation happened on a massive ABC tv show scale, but guess what – there is a lesson in this for us all. Blake did NOT keep his side of the street clean and it bit him in the butt.

Integrity first

Keeping your side of the street clean meets treating the people in your dating as if the whole world is watching. It doesn’t matter if it’s a first date, somebody you’re just sleeping with, or the person you’ve been dating for months or years, and it doesn’t matter if you’re on a national TV show, or live in a small town or big city. Tidy up!

These days, everyone really sees each other. We can not act like fools and get away with it! Social media makes hookups, breakups, and mess-ups public. And we’ve all experienced that phenomenon of feeling like we live in a small town no matter the actual population of where we live! I live in a big city, Denver, and it’s crazy how I end up seeing exes and people in my dating past on the regular! When I run into people from my past I am so grateful that I treated each of them well and put my integrity first, even if things didn’t end perfectly.

Get cleaning!

I’ve also seen the opposite happen, where people get nasty and sloppy, and the results are ugly. Screenshots and nasty digs on social media. Gossip amongst friend groups and a bunch of stuff that lives on forever online and the worst of all – a tarnished reputation.

Keeping your side of the street clean is not that hard! Have poise, breakup with grace and kindness, don’t mess around in the same friend groups (guys and gals, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea) and not only will you maintain a good reputation, you’ll feel better about the way you treat yourself and others.

Lesson 3: Give love time to grow.

Cam is a unique character from the most recent Bachelorette season. He has been portrayed as the “nice guy” but I’m calling him out as straight up thirsty, desperate and having zero patience in the game of love. And guess what, it shows and he keeps walking away single and loveless! Cam does NOT give love time to grow.

During this season of Bachelor in Paradise, Cam actually started off looking good! He came off sweet and sincere but…then came the downside – he ‘turned it on’ really fast and really intense. The most glaring and cringeworthy example: him sitting Caelynn down and reading her a WAY too long and too personal poem that he ‘stayed up all night working on’ without really knowing her. It. was. Awkward. And here’s the thing: she genuinely had voiced some interest in him! She was happy to sit down and have a conversation with him! And then, he blew it.

What he said wasn’t even sweet, it just read inauthentic and creepy. In love, we all have to give things time.

What’s the rush?

There is this unspoken pressure to hurry up in dating and love. A pressure to make something super special out of a casual first date, to take things from ‘just getting to know each other’ to let’s be official ASAP, and to lock him or her down, get definitive answers and have that person be your everything NOW.

That all sounds really intense, right? That’s because it is! It’s intense for the person you are dating or pursuing, and it does nothing good for you either.

If you try to rush the relationship, chances are high that they will just pick up and leave! They start thinking, “why are you putting me in this position, and are you even considering my perspective?”

Being rushed into love feels unnatural because it IS unnatural. And here’s what it really does:

1. You become less attractive

The #1 way to look unattractive and needy is to come across desperate. And doing things like Cam’s creepy poem and handing out feelings WAY too soon is not a good look.

There are times you might put your foot in your mouth, maybe saying something like ‘OMG my mom would love you for that….’ Ack! Did I just mention MY MOM?! But don’t worry about (totally cute) comments like that made out of the blue. There is a big difference between letting leak that maybe you’ve been thinking about that person in your future, and inviting your family to join you on your third date.

2. You might miss out on the one

You want to have a partner, you want it to be official, but do you really want that with this person? So often the push takes over and has almost nothing to do with if you guys are a great match! All that

You could miss out on the one – You started out liking this person, great. But the obsession with making things official or pressing on too fast now has way less to do with connection and more to do with your goals and wants.

The truth is, people tend to rush relationships because of some deeply preconceived notions about what they think they need to make them happy. They think that once a long term relationship happens the sky will open up and shower rainbows and love butterflies on them.

That’s not how it works. The world gives to those who are patient! Rushing toward it with just anyone you kind of like is not going to get you there.

What’s next?

Lessons straight from the beach: Be open to love in your life (no matter the circumstances!), be kind in your love life because everyone’s watching! And finally, give love time to grow and happen.

Now get out there and love!

How to Make Him Yours

 

Today’s episode is for the ladies.

I get asked this question all the time: “I’ve been seeing this guy and things are going well…How do I lock him down?”

This situation is so common: You’re dating someone, everything is going great, you’re sleeping together, they’ve met your friends, there’s plenty of texting, all signs say that you both are so into each other, but there is one annoying little thing.

You haven’t made it official!

In this episode, I’ll share with you the two ways you can go about influencing him to lock you down and make you him official this cuffing season.

Feeling stuck in your dating life? Book your 30-minute session with me at jessicasmith.love/dating911 today and let’s help you find the love you are looking for.

Follow me on Instagram for all things dating, mating, and love.

The One Thing You Can Do to Be More Attractive

 

Ever wonder why someone people walk into a room, and suddenly they are so attractive to you?

Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with their physical appearance.

In this episode, I dive into some studies, research, and tips for you to do the one thing that will make you more attractive in the dating world.

Feeling stuck in your dating life? Book your 30-minute session with me at jessicasmith.love/dating911 today and let’s help you find the love you are looking for.

Follow me on Instagram for all things dating, mating, and love.

How to Survive Cuffing Season

When it comes to love and dating, the seasons matter! That’s why it’s the perfect time to talk about what’s happening right now…cuffing season!

The ways we navigate connecting, hooking up and finding love change throughout the year just like our wardrobes. And when it comes to THIS time of year (fall/end of summer) things change a lot

What is cuffing season? 

It’s a force to be reckoned with. It’s something to keep your eye on if you are single or dating. 

It’s pressure, stress but also a phenomenon you can totally prep for. You just need a little help from me!

The leaves are falling, is your love life?

Here we are in September and early October where there is a major shift in how we view the dating world. The leaves start to change, we start dreaming about holiday plans, we lineup on Sunday for football…all fun things. 

But if we are single or dating we feel a STRONG urge to couple up.

Cuffing season is what happens when we start to think about the chilly days and romanticized moments ahead, which then makes us fantasize about how great it would be to be with someone. 

I’m going to help you prepare for and navigate cuffing season so you can glide through it confidently and stay optimistic no matter what your relationship status!

When cuffing season hits we panic.

The panic comes from totally natural and normal human responses.

First, our hormones push us to partner up for the winter. We know what’s ahead – fewer nights out due to cold weather, yummy warm meals perfect for sharing and more nights at home watching movies and lazing by the fireplace. Sounds romantic, right? 

Second, our instinct to be in a relationship kicks in big time. We want to have someone to bring to holiday parties, someone to be safe and warm with, and someone to get holiday gifts for. The holiday pressure from your family also plays a big role in your stress levels. 

Stay tuned for my Thanksgiving week post about surviving family pressure during the holidays. That’s a whole other topic!

But here is the thing – we need to look out for how we respond to this season – our hormones and instincts can push us to act in ways we wouldn’t usually. We might try TOO hard to find a partner and we might try to make a relationship out of something that isn’t right. Basically, cuffing season makes us a little crazy!

I guess you’ll do…?

Be careful about getting into a relationship just for the sake of getting into a relationship.

I’m not saying that you’re more desperate during cuffing season, but the stress of it all can make us forget about what it is we REALLY want in a partner. Even I feel the heat around this time of year! Nobody is immune. 

My advice: Keep it 100! Today is THE PERFECT DAY to either create or revisit your love list. If you have my 7 secrets to manifest love, you’ve heard my advice to make a list of exactly what it is you want in a partner. Not just general things like—active, has a good job, likes to travel—but get to the details! Is he or she optimistic? Do they want kids? How will you feel when you’re around them? 

THESE are the things you need to put out to the universe AND remember when you are tempted to partner up with someone. If they don’t meet your list criteria…it’s a no! Do NOT try to date someone just because it’s cuffing season. You are perfect and amazing and will make it through single if that’s how things play out. Trust me.

Under pressure.

Then there is the time pressure. During cuffing season, we feel like the clock is ticking. It seems like ALL our friends are in relationships. New years is coming,  holiday parties are getting planned and OMG what if we go into the holidays single. I say—f that! This season is just another beautiful time to get to know and LOVE YOUR SELF.  

Summer lovin’. Did it happen too fast?

Let’s talk about your summer boo. Some of you have met somebody this summer and things have been fun, summer casual, but now you’re all of a sudden, out of the blue thinking…are we exclusive? 

Cuffing season intensifies the need to be with someone. There’s a push to make it official… sometimes out of the blue! I caution you to really think if you are wanting the relationship for the sake of cuffing up, or because this person really is a great match. Also, be careful not to freak out the person you’re dating with an unexpected ‘what are we’ talk. If you’ve been casually dating for a month and then invite them to Christmas with your entire extended family…you’re going to scare them off! Remember that you might be having feelings that are not 

Build your toolbox for self-love and sanity

Another piece of advice is to create a cuffing season toolbox. Create a list of things to do and people to spend time with when it’s cold and cuddly and you feel alone during this season. 

Hang out with your positive single friends! Plan a girls-only/all bro holiday brunch or football party. Plan a holiday party with your favorite people and make sure its NOT ALL COUPLES. This is also a great time of the year to pick up a new hobby! 

Start taking those language lessons you’ve always wanted to do, take an improv class, go salsa dancing and do fun things that are just for you

You will think so much less about being single and just bask in the glow of having so much fun living YOUR badass life. 

Change the channel.

This next bit of advice is for my sappy holiday content fans—you know who you are. Be wary of the cheesy unrealistic romantic stuff! Turn off the Hallmark! Don’t watch Love Actually on loop. 

If you are going to go deep into the warm and fuzzy holiday movies do it with your favorite friends instead of alone only armed with a box of tissues and halo top ice cream. Holiday movies are fun, but treat them with care!  

I love to go the opposite route and make a holiday playlist that I can listen to anytime that cuffing season sadness sneaks in. Your playlist should be less ‘All I want for Christmas is you’ and more ‘I was born like this don’t even gotta try’ Lizzo kind of vibe! 

What this season is really about.

And finally, Get your gratitude on! Write down all the ways you are grateful for the friends, family, and life you have. Take the holiday season as a wonderful time to share with the people you love instead of thinking about what, or who, you don’t have. Your life is full of abundance so take notice!

You’ve got this!

To all my singles  – CUFFING SEASON IS COMING! But the good news – you got this. Be strong. be confident. Be thoughtful about what is happening and realize that thoughts you’re having are normal but you now know how to navigate the season with grace.