When Your Friends Don’t Approve: Do You Dump ‘Em or Keep ‘Em?

 

We’ve all been there before with the person you’re dating.

Everything is going great in your eyes, but your friends might think otherwise.

They might think you could do better. They might think that the man or woman you’re dating is a waste of time.

So what do you when your friends don’t approve? Do you dump ’em or do you keep ’em?

In this episode, I’ll share with you the best ways to navigate this tricky situation based on some of my past experiences with friends and men I have dated.

My 7 Secrets to Manifesting Love will help you find the love you are looking for. Signup for my email newsletter at jessicasmith.love and get started on your love journey today.

For all things dating, mating, and love follow me on Instagram @jessicasmith.love

If you’re struggling to find your true path to love and dating has been wearing you down, let’s spend some time together. Book your session with me today at jessicasmith.love/dating-911

How to Survive Cuffing Season

 

Cuffing season starts on November 1 and continues through Valentine’s Day.

It’s that time of year where all you singles out there are suddenly looking to get into a relationship to survive the winter months. Cuffing season is often a trap and can lead us into relationships we never wanted to be in out of fear of ending up alone.

In this episode, I’ll share the best ways you can survive the upcoming cuffing season and find real love and connection.

Are you looking to spice up your love life?

Sign up today at jessicasmith.love and receive my powerful 7 Secrets to Manifesting Love to help you find the love you have always wanted.

Follow me on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for all things dating, mating, and love.

Thank You, Next: Finding Blessings in the Breakup

 

When relationships end, it’s normal to talk trash, rehash the shit that went down and harbor resentment toward your ex.

Men and women regularly talk about the negative aspects of past relationships. About how they were burned, lied to, and weren’t treated right.

But is that right? Is it healthy?

Is it serving you?

In this episode, I’ll show you how to use your past terrible relationships to feel empowered, secure, and ready for the next.

Why men Lose Interest After Sex

You have sex, and they stop calling.

Why is it that men lose interest after sex? It happens all the time. But what if I told you that it’s not you, it’s hormones! There are biological reasons that men lose interest and they are mostly based on hormonal responses. I’m here to help you understand what those are, plus how to keep them interested regardless of when you do the deed.

It’s human nature.

Men are wired to lose interest after sex.

Ladies: it’s not really their fault—men are biologically wired to develop attraction instantly through physical appearance. But for emotions to develop it takes far more time for men to become invested.

Our dating culture (and our world) is all about instant gratification. We hate to wait for anything! We want our meals now, we want our media now, and when we feel like having sex, we want that now too!

This culture of impatience can lead to doing it really soon after meeting someone, if not on date #1. The world of online apps also lends itself to a lot of innuendo and sexual flirtation (not to mention the sexting and pics) before you even meet!

Here’s the thing – Being DTF is totally fine. But if it’s a romantic partnership you seek usually one or two-night stand will not lead to true love. Having sex right away does not guarantee that things will immediately fizzle, but it definitely happens more often than not.

Hormones in play.

When it comes to men, hormones play a huge role in love dating and mating. There are three hormones men need to fall in love: Testosterone, dopamine, and vasopressin.

Here’s what each does for fellas:
Testosterone helps men to feel manly. It boosts their sex drive.
Dopamine contributes to that excited feeling that happens when we crave something. It’s the hormone that gets the reward center going. You know it by that high when you take a bit of the most decadent cake you’ve ever had, or that rush you get as you’re closing in on a first kiss.
Vasopressin helps men hold interest. According to the Harvard Neuroscience Institute, it’s the hormone “linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships.“

How hormones make him pull away.

Much of human behavior is influenced by hormones.

When a man is having sex his testosterone goes up. Immediately after orgasm, his T (testosterone) levels go back to normal. That increase really makes him feel like a manly! But once things go back to normal it’s not as exciting for his man brain. Oxytocin increases, which has the effect of lowering testosterone. And when a man’s testosterone levels decrease, he feels less like a man. He feels the need to pull away and may even lose interest for a while.

But that’s not to say his testosterone stays even for all that long. And if it’s the right point in a relationship, oxytocin can contribute to feelings of love through continued human contact.

When the chemistry is hot he’ll have more dopamine and he’ll want you like another piece of that chocolate cake. But after he eats that cake, he is satisfied and his brain tells him ‘hey, you’ve had your cake. You’re good! Move on.”

But if a man has an emotional interest as well, his dopamine drive will stay intact and he’ll seek more of the good stuff aka you.

Vasopressin helps him hold the interest of a woman and increases when he’s sexually excited but hella decreases after he orgasms

Here’s the thing: physical attraction is easy. But if there is no bonding the sexual chemistry will fizzle out.

So what…just don’t have sex?

Not completely. But, my advice? Wait.

Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin levels to increase. He is going to seek more situations that give him a dopamine rush. And he’ll feel wanted and manly #testosterone. When all those hormones are firing for long enough, they can cause a man to fall in love!

This is because a man has emotionally fallen for a woman.

If a guy is into someone emotionally and mentally and spiritually he will stick around
If he isn’t feeling a connection or feeling inadequate he will bounce

In her book ‘Men Chase, Women Choose’ Dawn Maslar explains that “Delaying sex with a man causes his vasopressin to increase and stay up long enough for the receptors to be built and then filled. Once this happens for a long enough span of time it can cause him to fall in love.”

I tried it out for myself.

I once dated a guy and we established early on that we weren’t going to have sex for a while. I proposed it, he agreed. We had a kissing only rule!

It was wild! We talked, went to concerts, got to know so much about each other, had crazy makeout sessions and wow our sexual chemistry was crazy! Putting off having sex gave us time to really get to know each other.

Here’s the thing. I kept his interest and the emotional bond came naturally. Then, one day I realized he was REALLY into me. He was texting me all the time and spending all his time off with me. I knew it was time. Here’s the best part…when we actually had sex, it was fantastic!

Get emotionally naked before you get really naked

Putting off having sex gave us time to connect and truly get to know each other. We learned about our favorite foods, our dreams, fears, passions, significant life events, heartbreaks and more.

I kept his interest by making him invest time while I invested too. We BOTH had to work. This wasn’t a one-sided endeavor. I also had to keep his interest. This meant texts back, flirting and showing affection. Remember that dopamine, testosterone, and vasopressin we talked about before? Those hormones were working in both of our favors while they built up and made him feel excited and curious about what we could be as a romantic couple.

Through all of our sex-free time together I made sure that he knew when the time was right it was totally going to be worth it.

Instead of putting out, put IN to the relationsihip.

Hopefully you now see why waiting to have sex majorly outweighs jumping into bed right away. Some final tips before I signoff:

°If a man thinks a woman is cool AF and wants to sleep with her that’s a magic recipe. The only way this happens is with time together.

°Keep him in pursuit mode. In the work that I do, I teach about the 5 Ps in a relationship and one of them is PURSUE – Biologically speaking men are hunters and they don’t respond well by being chased. They’re driven by testosterone and dopamine. Men NEED to pursue women.

°Keep him hungry! For life, love, sex. Men want to work and feel a sense of accomplishment. They work hard to get money, then value that money. They lift hard to see muscle and value those gains. They put time into you and—you guessed it—they value you. Keep them interested so they picture you in their goals and accomplishments and as a part of their lives.

If you like a guy and want him in your life…wait.

What Not to Do on a Third Date

 

The third date is exciting, and when you are going on your third date, it means a few things:

1. It means you two are feeling each other.

2. It implies that dates one and two were great and you want to know more about the other person.

The reason the third date is talked about so much in the dating world is that it’s a significant turning point and often, there is a lot of pressure for date number three to go so well. These pressures affect our actions and expectations and can create some third dates that end up total disasters.

On this episode, I’ll talk about what to not say or do on a third date that will help you make sure that your time goes smooth with the other person.

Follow me on Instagram for more dating, mating and all things love.

How to Tell She Likes You

 

Now, a lot of you know that I love men. I am an advocate for them and believe there are a lot of good men out in the dating world. You also know that on this show, I like to have very open conversations with dating.

Gents, as much as I love you, you tend not to see the signs that women are putting out to you. You can be quite oblivious, and it’s not something you do on purpose.

So gents, today’s episode is just for you. I have some surefire ways to tell if she likes you or not. I’m giving you these signs, so you don’t have to spend all your time guessing.

And don’t forget to give me a follow on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for more tips on dating, mating, and relationships.

The Three F’s. Do These Three Things for Your Man

Are you a woman who is looking for love and a good, healthy relationship? Who isn’t!? I’m here to help you nurture your man—physically, emotionally and mentally with what I call ‘The three F’s.’ These secrets will help him flourish and thrive. He will feel better about himself. He will value your relationship and show up as the partner you deserve. Sounds pretty good, right?

Your man is going to be more confident and content when he feels loved and valued. And that means that your man is going to show up as his best self, especially for you. 

So, what are the 3 F’s? Men need to be fed, fueled and…made love to. (You know what I mean. Wink, wink.)

Us women are complicated creatures! We are emotional beings with various needs. Since we live in a world of complexity, we tend to assume men are complicated as well. Men are wonderful. They are unique, fabulous, and they surprise us regularly. But, they aren’t all that complicated!

Ladies, doing these things for your man is not about you being passive, subservient, and doing everything for your man. This is all about showing up as a partner, a lover, a ride or die, and the woman who sticks by her man. Because a wise woman knows that if her man is thriving, she will thrive too. 

The 3 F’s will help you cater to the needs of a man’s mind, body, and soul. Men are kind of on the societal sh*tlist right now. Let’s bring love back to the men. 

The first F is feed.

Men love to eat. Shoot, we all do! But when men are cooked for and fed, it nurtures their stomachs and their hearts. You know what they say, ‘the quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach.’ It’s true! Feeding a man makes him feel like he is cared for.  

This warm feeling comes from the very first meal a man had with their mom. Humans equate food with love because the very first person they loved—and that loved them— gave them their very first meal. It’s a profoundly subconscious response.

Cook, you say? Isn’t that what Uber Eats is for? Ladies, you don’t have to be a chef! If you love to cook, cook. I don’t personally love to cook, but if I like a guy, I will make a point to cook for him on date 6 or sometime in the second month of dating. I also tell him, “look I’m not a cook. It’s not my thing, but I like you, and I want to cook you dinner.” This tells him that even though this is something I do not usually do, I like him and think he is special. Cooking is a way for me to show that I’m making an effort because I believe he is worth it.  

Another aspect of feeding your man is eating with him. It is so vital that you eat with him. I don’t care if you are on date 1 or 15, chow down and don’t be afraid! Not eating on a date due to nerves or because you don’t want to look uncouth actually sends the not so great message. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who can joyfully share food with a man. Think about how playful and romantic it is to share nachos or french fries at a game or concert! I’ve heard more than once from a male client that a date went really well, and he loved how she took pleasure in and shared food with him. Food is love, it’s joy, it’s sharing.  It’s pleasure, and it’s an easy and beautiful way to show a man that he matters. 

The second F is F$*k.

Men are sexual creatures! They need to have sex, and they seek it out. When you are out dating, you should know every man you talk to wants to date and have sex. If he’s flirting with you, he wants to have sex with you. If he asks you for your number, he wants to sex with you. Yes. It’s that simple, that basic. 

Ladies, when it comes to your man, find out what he likes and how often he likes it. Think of it as taking his sexual temperature. Know his sex taste. 

Be prepared for what you find out! If he has a high sex drive, you should expect to be at it…a lot! For more on this read my article on Yogi Approved: ‘A girl’s guide to great sex: 8 Empowering tips to have amazing sex every time.’ 

You may be lacking confidence, or your sex drive is pretty low. Maybe you’re feeling a little meh in that department. Head to the article and trust me, it will help you feel sexy and get you into the mood faster!

The third F is fuel.

Fueling a man is all about showing him appreciation, respect, and admiration. Let’s fill our man with love. To fuel your man means you champion his career, his projects, his passions, his endeavors. Does your man show up and make you feel loved? Show your appreciation for him and the effort that he puts into the relationship. As his woman, he needs you to be his number one fan. 

Really, any woman can feed and f&*k a guy. It takes a real-ass woman who is confident, assertive, and secure with herself to fuel a man.

Fueling means you check in with him. Be a soundboard and show that you are there for him. When you check in with your man, you are supporting him as well as empowering him to be the best version of himself. 

The three F’s are all about keeping things simple. If we overcomplicate relationships, sh*t gets confusing. I challenge you to do this: every day make it a goal to do something to feed, f&*k, or fuel your man. You will find that he is not only happier and more fulfilled—you will be too. 

XOXO 

Jessica

 

The 5 Steps to Dating as a Single Parent

 

As a single parent, we’re trying to do everything ourselves. We have one income, trying to cook, clean, and parent. And then, we also have the fear of dating again because we want to protect our children and are concerned that we may bring someone into our kid’s lives that don’t mesh well with them.

On top of that, single parents often ask themselves:

“Will someone want to date me again with having kids?”

It’s hard for single parents to get back out there in the dating world. Single parents are dating on behalf of a family and have other people to take into consideration.

In this episode, Jessica shares the small playbook that she uses to safely date as a single parent.

For all things dating, mating, and love follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love

How Men Think vs. How Women Think

 

It’s no secret that women and men think differently. The differences between men and women’s brains have been studied by scientists and psychologists alike. Whether it’s with our friends when dating, or even in our parents, understanding these gender differences will help you with your dates and while finding love.

In this episode, Jessica shares why it’s crucial for you to know how your date thinks and some practical tips to use on dates.

Follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for all things dating, mating, and love.

How to Pick Up Men When You’re Out with Your Girlfriends

 

So many women are going out looking for a man the wrong way. They don’t sit in the right spots at the bar. They are on their phones all night. And they are out with friends who are salty, bitter, and aren’t being the wing woman they should be.

In this episode of Game of Love, Jessica shares the best ways to pick up men when you’re out with your girlfriends and why hotel bars are the best place to pick up men.

Follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicasmith.love for more tips and tricks on picking up men when you’re out with your girlfriends.