When I started dating, I felt lost, and I didn’t have a plan when it came to my kids. My friends and family said not to rush into things and be careful introducing men to my kids because you can’t have a revolving door of men come in and out of your child’s life.
Kids get attached easily, and if you have a revolving door of guys, kids get confused about the permanency of the man. Kids also may see that relationships aren’t serious and valued when they should be taken seriously.
You might be saying to yourself that your kids are your number one and that you would never put them in a position that would make them feel hurt or harm. But it happens when we fall for a man and one false move can put your relationship with your man and kids in jeopardy.
These five tips are essential to keeping the physical and emotional well-being of your children, so you can date and focus on you without doing potential damage to your children.
1. Do your research
Make sure that before you go out with him, do a background check on him. Looking into his social media and just your basic background check an employer would run are key before introducing him to your children. Also, make sure you ask and listen to him when he shares his childhood. You should be checking for any signs of abuse he may have experienced.
Why is this important: Background you’ll find a criminal record. People that have been abused have a higher chance of being an abuser. Knowing where the guy you are dating is coming from allows you to be more aware of him. There are a lot of good men out there who have a history of abuse but being more aware will better prepare for a potential relationship.
2. Talk to Your Kids about Dating
Kids are smart. They know a lot more these days given the internet. The best thing I would do is tell them about dating, who you’re going out with, when you’re leaving and when you’re coming back. As parents, we most of the time tell our kids not to lie. There is no need to lie to them. Starting off lying to your kids about dating will cause them to be apprehensive when they meet the guy you would like to bring home to them. Tell them you are going out on a date tonight. They will thank you later for it. I want my kids to know about dating. It builds a stronger relationship with them because it develops the communication between us.
3. Set boundaries for men when meeting your kids.
Establish a certain amount of months dating someone before you decide to intro them to your children. Doing it too soon can cause pressure on him and he may not want to continue seeing you again. Dating is getting you know each other. I let the kids
A rule of thumb that I use is the 3-4 month period. I do this because this gives me enough time to decide whether I want to continue seeing him or not. Women need to use a time before deciding because it will keep your emotions out of it. Women are emotional creatures, and we tend to fall in love faster and want deep emotional connection immediately. Having that period will help prevent you from making rash decisions and do your homework on the guy you are dating.
4. Do a Light Introduction
A light introduction is used not to put pressure on you or the guy to meet your kids. It’s a great way to introduce them naturally. When I have dated men who were ready to meet my children, I scheduled a public place like a bowling alley or park and we did something fun and also a short amount of time. Another great way is when a guy comes to pick you up at your door for a date, having them meet the kids briefly will make the kids know who you’re going out with but also keeps it relaxed and casual. Slowly introduce a man into your household takes time but done right, will create tons of potential for that great relationship you have always wanted.
5. Ask your kids what their gut says about him
It doesn’t matter how much you love the man or want to be with him, if your kids do not like the man you are with, it will never work out. As a single mom, chances are your kids are everything to you. My kids mean the world to me and if they were to tell me that they didn’t like or love the guy I was dating, I have to end it because it will cause tension and problems down the road. It always does no matter what. Let your kids be involved in the relationship as well. It will make them trust you more and him which will give you guys a better chance to become closer and together. It will also give your kids more confidence that they are valued.