One afternoon I was shopping at Whole Foods buying stuff to make a salad when this handsome sandy hair blue eyed British guy asked me in his fabulous accent how to tell if watermelon was ripe. 20 minutes later we were standing in the Whole Foods produce section laughing and talking having a great conversation. He asked me out, and I was very excited to see him the next day.
The next day, the British guy and I sat down to have tea, and we were having a great conversation talking about philosophy and life. However, there was a weird feeling in my stomach. Something just felt a little off. I had been brushing it off as nerves, but as soon as I stopped and listened to the feeling, something in me said, “Girl, he’s married.”
Suddenly I smelled fabric softener and remembered a comedian who said, “Ladies, you can always tell if a dude is married if he smells like fabric softener.”
“Oh my God,” I thought. “That’s it.”
I looked at him and said calmly, “You’re married, aren’t you?”
He looked shocked almost sick to his stomach.
“How did you know?” he said. “How could you possibly know?”
He went on into a long dramatic story about him and his wife drama. I sat there and thanked the universe that I had listened to my intuition and spoke up. If I hadn’t listened and spoken up for myself, I could have gotten myself into a huge mess.
Your man or the man you are into may or may not be lying to you. If you want to find out, there are two things you need to do.
Ask Better Questions
Many of us need to better at vetting the men we are dating so we don’t blindly step into an unhealthy relationship. Men who are fabulous liars know how to dodge a question smoothly and skillfully but asking the right questions will keep them honest and help you find out if he’s lying to you.
Here’s a question you can ask him and get the answers you want if he’s seeing someone.
“Is there any woman out there that thinks you two are in a relationship?”
This question is designed to find out if he’s single or entangled with another woman by putting the focus on the potential another woman. The question takes the pressure off of him and allows him to open up and get a more truthful depiction of his situation.
You may get a lot of different answers from asking this question such as, “No, of course not. I wouldn’t be here with you if I did.”
“My baby mama is all crazy, and she’s drama….”
“There’s this one girl and but we aren’t serious.”
“I’m divorced or almost divorced.”
Whatever you get, make sure you listen and use your senses when he tells you the answer.
We need to listen better and using all of our facilities and senses.
Watch Your Tone and Listen
I always tell my clients that you can get the answer you want by asking questions with the right tone. When it comes to men, asking in a non-confrontational tone will create a safer place for them and will help them feel more comfortable in answering questions and having a conversation.
For example, when you ask “Is there a woman out there that thinks you’re in a relationship?” take a breath and listen with your eyes, ears, heart, and gut. Most important, listen to your intuition.
The answer will show up in your body as the icky feeling in your stomach. Your heart will tighten, and your mind will say to you “Something isn’t right here.” You’ll know right away if he’s legit and telling the truth or a lair. By using all of your resources, all of your senses, you’re going to hear the truth.
For more dating tips and tricks, listen to this episode of The Game of Love Podcast.