A couple of years ago while traveling the world, I decided for a year I would conduct an experiment with men. For the first six months, I would give out my number when guys asked me. The next six months, I would not give out my number rather ask the man for theirs.
The results were incredible.
In a perfect world, I would love to give my number out to a guy and have him jump all over the opportunity to ask me out. The reality was, giving out my number was a crap shoot….I would never hear from him when I wanted to and how I wanted to hear from him. I felt giving out my number was part of the textbook like I was following the rules. When I gave out my number, I felt I was giving away my power. I felt I wasn’t in control of the situation. There was uncertainty. Was he going to call? Was he going to text? I was more anxious about the process as I felt my anxiety increase in my body. But I also felt the excitement. Every time my phone rang, I wondered if it was him.
Men need to be in pursuit mode. From the early days of humankind, men have been the protectors and hunters while the women were the caretakers and gatherers. It’s in our DNA to be in these roles, and for men, the pursuit is still a constant need for them. They need to have a goal, chase after something. When it comes to dating, the longer a man could stay in pursuit, the more the man will want to date you.
The next six months, I didn’t give my number out to guys. Instead, I took their number. The moment I took their number, I felt safe and in control. There was a sense of power knowing that I could control the situation and I wasn’t always waiting for them to contact me. Instead, they were waiting for me to call/text. I would leave them wanting. Want is such a strong emotion and when men are in pursuit mode, they want regularly.
So what is the conclusion of my experiment?
There is no right one. In fact, I found that there are benefits to both approaches, but I encourage women that they should consider once in awhile to ask the guy for their number just to see how it makes them feel when they are out dating.