Find love and find it now
What do I want in 2020? Love for all of you! That’s why I’m giving you the five things you must do this year to find real, powerful love. These are powerful changes that are going to give you love, peace, and have the universe smiling down on you like never before!
Right before New Years, I was curious about how 2019 played out for people so I did an Instagram poll. I asked my audience if their year was trash or if it was fire. Half said it was trash, half said it was fire and a lot of people sent me DMs saying 2019 was trash set on fire. Ha!
2020 is your year!
That means that half of you are very much in need of a good year and a good decade. The rest of you are looking to keep that good momentum moving forward in having an even more stellar year. That’s where these five changes come in to play!
This year’s energy has us looking to get in shape, make more money, start meditating, travel more, and of course for all my singles, find that perfect person!
Here’s the thing: so many of our new years’ resolutions and goals can be put in place with a plan. So why is it that when it comes to finding love… we just hope for the best? We think, If it happens it happens. What’s up with that?!
You have to do the work to get results
Imagine that you set a goal to lose 20 pounds and all you plan on doing is hope for the best. You still eat the same food and don’t work out. That’s ridiculous, right? We make a plan, we execute it, we change habits, and we implement new things to achieve our goals. Why don’t we treat our love life the same?
Too many of us just cross our fingers and hope for the best. We go to the same places hoping to find new people, don’t leave the house, keep our exes in the rotation, hold on to bad habits that hold us back, hold on to the same fears and insecurities and generally do nothing to change our behavior to find the love we want.
That all changes right now. There are five things you must do this year if you want to find love. We are not leaving love to chance! This year, it’s different. We are taking the reins, making changes and taking action! Ready? Let’s jump in.
Conscious Kind Communication
The first thing you have to do this year is approach love and dating with conscious kind communication. This means being authentic, honest and compassionate. This year be clear with your intentions, feelings, and expectations in a kind and loving manner.
This year everything is different
In 2020 we will date with integrity. If you want a relationship, say it. If you have feelings, embrace them. This year we are not going to hide our feelings and desires out of fear and apprehension that they won’t be reciprocated. Conversely, if you don’t want to do something, say no.
Remember, if it’s not a “hell yes!” it’s a no. We don’t have time! We are done wasting our precious time by texting people we’re not excited about and going on dates that we’re dreading.
Using conscious kind communication will reduce confusion, save you a lot of time, and create deeper connections. It’s a real relief to fully express yourself (always in a kind manner) instead of feeling like you have to hold your cards so close to play it safe.
Conscious kind communication will create a pathway for BOTH parties to find connection and a love they deserve and are excited about.
Insecurities be gone!
The second thing you need to do is Let go of your insecurities. Your insecurities are doing nothing but holding you back, dimming your light, keeping you hiding at home, keeping you in your head instead of enjoying your life, it’s unattractive and completely unnecessary.
Nobody is perfect. Everybody has their shit, their quirkiness, their flaws, their weaknesses. What truly makes a person attractive, magnetic and desirable is when they embrace all of themselves.
Listen, It’s great and healthy to work on the things that you’d like to change about yourself. But it’s even more important to accept the things you can not change.
Tell yourself how awesome you are
In my new book, out this Spring, called “21 days to Feeling gorgeous: finally loving the skin you’re in and being the badass goddess you’re meant to be”, I talk about how critically important it is to have a good relationship with yourself. I guide you step by step through loving yourself unconditionally.
I talk about one of the most powerful and easy ways to build your confidence and feel alive: Positive Affirmations. Positive affirmations are mini manifestations. Statements like I am worthy, I am loveable, I am attractive, I am sexy AF.
Say them in the morning, when you need a boost of confidence, before a date, say them all the time!
If there is one thing you take away from letting go of your insecurities, it is that your perfect person will love you just the way you are!
Feel those feels
The third thing that drives me absolutely crazy about our current dating world is everybody fears the feels. It baffles me! I do not know when having feelings for someone became this pathetic and unattractive thing. But it’s stupid. If we are going to run away from feels, make fun of them, deem them as bad, diminish them, WHY ARE WE EVEN DATING?
From this day forward, we are collectively making catching feeling cool! Having a crush, falling in love, and being in love all feel amazing and that’s what we all live for. The world makes movies about love, we write songs, poetry, books, we dream about it, we pray for it, it’s what we are all longing for.
Say it out loud!
So let’s express it! Let’s enjoy it! Let’s celebrate it! Say things like “thank you for a lovely evening, I had such a great time.” “I have a confession, I have a little crush on you.” One of my favorite things to say to someone I care about, but am not necessarily in love with – is to say, “I adore you.” It’s sweet, it’s tender, and can actually be more powerful than “I love you.”
There are so many benefits to expressing yourself. It feels good to love someone, it can open up somebody else’s heart and mind when they are loved and let’s face it- the world needs more love.
Remember these two things
Two very important things I want you to remember: Don’t be afraid to love first and don’t be stingy with your love. Be fearless! You’ve got nothing to lose.
You’re not special
The fourth thing you have got to do is stop saying “I’ve been hurt before and I’m scared of getting hurt again.” Fuck that! If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…I’d be RICH! I hear this all the time, but everybody has been hurt. You’re not special.
The person you are going on a date with is equally scared of getting hurt. It’s an even playing field. I’m scared, you’re scared, we’re all scared.
When you guard yourself and hide behind the fear, it keeps you from moving forward and enjoying great experiences.
The self-pity stops now
If you are a person that says this phrase, one major change you are going to make this year is stop saying ‘I’ve been hurt before and am scared of getting hurt again.”
This idea keeps you noncommittal and keeps new love from coming into your life! This phrase hurts your heart and other people’s hearts will keep you lonely in your house, possibly sleeping with person after person, avoiding your feelings and denying reality.
That being said, If you’re not ready for a relationship—don’t date. Without meaning to, you might be leading people on and breaking some hearts.
So many people fear falling in love because they’re scared of being hurt – whether it’s from a breakup, infidelity, or a divorce – that hurt completely annihilates them because their sense of self is tied to that relationship.
When you are healthy, whole and complete a breakup won’t totally destroy you! Yes, you will experience some sadness but you will recover and find love again.
Wonder is wonderful
The fifth thing you need to do is to stop judging and start being curious.
Stereotypes, assumptions, expectations are all generalities and need to be used with caution. Often, we make assumptions about people before we get to know them and can completely miss out on who they actually are.
When we judge people before we get to know them it’s a disservice to ourselves, the other person and the possible relationship. We can’t connect with the person and might hurt their feelings and piss them off.
Open your mind, open your heart
You don’t want to be judged unfairly, so please don’t do that to anyone else. Being curious means walking into the conversation, date, and relationship with an open mind and enthusiasm to get to know the person. This lets the person you are curious about be fully themselves around you. Let me tell you, having this approach to your love life gifts you in so many ways!
There’s no more waiting. You can change your love life right now. Let’s not leave love to chance and make love happen this year!